आज का ज्ञान!!
"लड़की और नौकरी तभी
छोड़ें..जब दूसरी हांथ में हो!!"
- चाणक्य का पङोसी
Guys if any of you has been an ex husband of Indrani tell us now !!!
No shocks later pls....
Raat ke 3 baje santa ke number par phone aaya – Hello yaha Fatima Mehfooz rehti hai kya?
Santa : Kutte itni raat ko Fatima mere paas hoti to mehfooz rehti kya?
Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di
Banta : Kyun?
Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge
Modern Laila– Mein tumhare ishq me barbaad ho gai, lut gayi, meri duniya rushwa ho gayi…
Modern Majnu– To karmjali, mein kaun sa bank managar ban gaya
Husband and Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom : He fought with me again, I am coming to you.
Mom : No beta, he must pay for his mistake, I am comming to stay with U!
Santa found cigarette in daughter’s room “Ohh God! She smokes?”
Then she found wine, “O God! She drinks?”
Then he saw boy, “Thank God@ To ye sab ess boy ka hai
Nepali : Saab ye shaam singh ka mobile kaha milega
Salesman : Pata nahi
Nepali : Saab ji TV me ad to isi dukan ka hai.
Salesman : Abey ye sham singh nahi, SAMSUNG hai!!
Preity Zintaaaa ne hoto par “India” ke tirange ka tattoo laga rakha tha
Ek ladka aaya aur hoto par “kiss” kar gaya aur bola, “I LOVE MY INDIA”
Ek chote bacche ne apani pregnant mummy se pucha : Isme kya hai?
Mummy : Issme pyara sa Baby hai.
Baccha : Itna pyara tha to khaya kyu ussko?
Ali ke 4 baache hue, naam rakhe Yusuf Ali, Altaf Ali, Irfan Ali, Asif Ali,
Fir 5va or 6va bacha hua to Ali ke begum ne naam rakhe – Bas-Kar Ali, Raham-Ali
Santa driving on the wrong side of road.. & Said…
O===SHIT=== Aaj phir late ho gaya Saare log wapis ja rahe hai
Ek SHARABI DARU Pee Pee K"Mar"Gaya, Lekin Marte-Marte Bhi Ye Anmol Baat Kah Gaya
DARU To"Branded" Hi Peeta Tha, Saala "Liver" Hi Local Nikla...
Girls jab sare kapde utaar leti h to kya hota h dost batoo? ? ? ? . . .
Kapde ki rassi khali ho jaati hai,
Soch badlo
Wife: Dusri Aurat ko ghur ghur kar dekh rahe ho...! Ab tum shadi shuda ho chuki hai
Pati: Aisa kaha likha hai ki upwas Ho to khane ka menu bhi nahi Dekh sakte
3 larkiyon ko 10 Saal ki Saza mili....
tino ek hi Room mai 10 saal guzarnay k bad Jab riha hokar ghar janay lagii to.... . . . . . 1 larki boli .....
chal thekk hai yaar baakii baten mobile per kartey hain.....
Santa - "sir ji, aap apni patni ko party mein kyunahi laate?"
Boss - "woh gaon ki hai.."
Santa - "Oh sorry, mujhe laga woh sirf aapki hai.
Gf: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu??
Bf: Nahi.
GF: Kyun ?...
BF: Main"hanuman chalisa"padhkar sota hu.
2 bhoot jangle me ghum rahe the.....
Pahla bhoot:-vo dekh vaha per insaan hai.
Dusra bhoot:-chup ker insaan vinsaan kuch nahi hota hai, sub vaham hai.
GOLU:Aaj Muje Ajeeb SMS Aya Or Mera Mobile Off Ho Gya
MOLU:Konsa msg
GOLU:Battery Low
MOLU:Send Kr..Sabko Daraenge
Ek Santa roz ped ki tehni par jakar baith jata hai... Socho kyo...?
Kyonki wo apne aap ko branch manger samajhta hai.
Hindi teacher asks."Kaal kitne prakaar ke hote hain." .
Sardar child,"5 prakaar ke: Local kaal, STD kall, ISD kall, missed kall and satsiriakal."
Santa ne apne papa ko father’s day par CAR gift di or ek sher likha.
“phool to bahut hai par Gulab sa nahi, Papa to bahut hai par aap sa nahi”
Teacher- Ande me se murgi ka bacha kaise nikla? +
Santa- Madam, ye koi badi bat nahi hai. zyada interesting ye he ki wo usme ghusa kaise?
दया और जेठालाल बालकनी में खड़े थे,,,
दया आसमान के तारे देख कर बोली
“टप्पू के पापा
ऐसी कोनसी चीज़ है जो आप देखते तो रोज हो पर घर नहीं ला सकते “??
जेठालाल- “””बबिता”””
यहाँ साला घर में ढंग का नेटवर्क नहीं आता
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और वहां तालिबान वाले गुफाओं में बैठकर YouTube पे वीडियो अपलोड कर रहे है...
😂😂😜😝😈💀
अण्डों से भरी टोकरी
साईकिल के पत्थर से टकराने से टूट गयी !
भीड़ इकठी हुई
और
सभी चिलाये : देख कर चलो भाई , कितनी गन्दगी कर दी ?
एक काका ने
भीड़ से कहा : इतना चिलाने से अच्छा है
यह सोचो इसका मालिक इसकी क्या हालात करेगा?
पगार में से पैसे काट लेगा!
इसकी कुछ मदद करो !
लो मेरी तरफ से 10/रूपये !
सभी ने सहानभूति जताते हुए
10 -10 रूपये दिए!
लड़का खुश हो गया
क्यूंकि मिली हुई रकम
अण्डों की कीमत से ज्यादा थी !
सभी के चले जाने के बाद
एक व्यक्ति ने कहा : बेटे
काका ना होते
तो मालिक को तू क्या जवाब देता ?
लड़का : वो काका ही
मालिक है 😜 😝 😂
Tejashwi Yadav ...the super talented son of none other than great Lalu Yadav and Raabri Devi , 9th fail, talented all rounder cricket player to play in Ranji and IPL Delhi Daredevil team in 2008, 2009, 2011 and 2012. So talented that he didn't played any match in IPL but was paid in millions for his cricket talent . He has 20 runs in first class cricket, 14 runs in class A and 4 runs in T20 and has bowled 30 , 24 and 36 balls respectively. His father was happy that at least he will serve water to other players.
Now he is deputy CM of Bihar with three important portfolios at the very experienced age of 26.
God Save Bihar! Mera Bharat Mahan!
God will also have to approach super gods to save India if such things continue.
Behind every successful person, there is,
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No or Deactivated facebook account :)
Friend called : Hey, You son of bitch.
Friends Mother Pick up and say: Son of the bitch is taking a bath, its Bitch itself..
A plane carrying politicians crashed into a farm. When the police arrived, they found out that the Ramesh the farmer had already buried them.
The following conversation ensued :
POLICE : Are you sure they were dead ?.
Ramesh : Yes, I'm very sure, though I heard some screaming "Help me! I'm still alive o!", but you know these politicians, they lie alot.
STRESS TEST:
Few Questions.
lets find how stresed u r?
Q1)Whch mouse has 2 legs?
Ans:Mickey mouse!
Q2)Whch duck has 2 legs?
If ur answr is Donald duck,den u R realy stresed
cuz al ducks hav 2 legs!:-P
So chil out grin emoticon
Gudnt n sleep u r stressed wink emoticon grin emoticon
Boy was driving a car. A girl on scooty overtook him.
Boy shouted, "Hey Buffalo"
Girl turned back n shouted..
"you donkey, idiot, stupid monkey"
...
Suddenly she had an accident
She was hit by a buffalo crossing d road..
MORAL: "Girls never understand what a boy wants 2 say "
एक मेकेनिकल इन्जीनीयर को यह देख कर हैरत हुई कि बैल बैलगाड़ी खींच रहा है
और किसान बैलगाड़ी मे सोया पड़ा है ।
इन्जीनीयर ने किसान से कहा,
"अगर बैल रुक जाये तो तुम्हें पता ही नहीं चलेगा।"
😋किसान : पता चल जायेगा इन्जीनीयर साहिब, उसके गले में बंधी घंटी भी रुक जाएगी।
इन्जीनीयर ने एक मिनट सोचा और फिर बोला,
"अच्छा अगर यह एक जगह खड़ा होकर बस अपना सिर हिलाता रहे तो घंटी बजती रहेगी और तुम समझोगे कि बैल चल रहा है।"
😴किसान ने बड़ी शांति से जवाब दिया,
"हमारे बैल ने B.E नहीं किया है ।
तुम केवल 'कर्म' करो 😠
'काण्ड' में हम बदल देंगे !🤓🤓
~भारतीय मीडिया😝😝😝
आज का ज्ञान-
-.-
जो मित्र अपने मित्र की पिटाई होते हुए देख
कर घर की तरफ भाग जाये,,,
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~
~
,
उसे गद्दार नहीं समझना चाहिये।
हो सकता है वो तलवार लेने भागा हो।
कुँवारे मर्द ' त्यौहार ' मनाते है...
और,
शादीशुदा मर्द...
अपनी ' बीवियों ' को मनाते है...
जली को आग कहते हैं.....
बुझी को राख कहते हैं.....
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जिसका call देखते ही दारू उतर जाये..
उसे Maa Baap कहते हैं
आलो आलो... पाचच मिनिट
A lot of ladies used to sit together every evening in a park and talk nonstop. One day they were sitting very very quietly.
A gentleman who wud walk past d noisy group everyday was surprised to see them all so quiet....
He inquired about this to which they replied..
U see, today we are ALL present..... so we dont know who to gossip about
Height of shock & bad luck:
A newly married man travelling with his wife dialled a no. of a girl written in d train's toilet & his wife picked up d phone.=)) =)) =))
Heights of :-
1) Fashion?
Lungi with a zip.
2) Laziness?
Asking lift for morning walk.
3) Craziness?
Get blank paper xerox.
4) Honesty?
Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.
5) De-hydration?
Cow giving milk powder.
6) Hope?
A 99 yr. Old woman going for 295/-recharge to get lifetime incoming.
7) Stupidity?
Looking through key hole of a glass door.
8) Suicide attempt?
A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.
9) Height of free time?
You are reading the whole msg...
Gudmrg Friends...spl msg 2share wid ur mates
Makin relation is very simple but keepin it is vry difficult.
If I fail anytime, giv me grace marks n promote me bcoz I dnt want 2 lose a nice person like u..
Sister 2 bro: Wat r u going 2 gift grandma on her bday?
Bro: A Football
Sis: Bt grandma does not play
Bro: On my birthday she gave me a BIBLE
A Jobless man applied for the Job
of "Office boy" at Microsoft
The HR Interviewed him then
watched him cleaning the floor as
a test
"You are employed" He said. "Give
me your E-mail Address and I'll
send you the forms to fill in as well
as when you may start
The Man replied "But I don't have
computer, neither an Email."
"I'm Sorry", said the HR Manager,
"If you don't have an Email, that
means you don't exist. and who
doesn't exist, cannot have the Job."
The man left with no hope at all. He
didn't know what to do with only $
10 in his pocket.
He then decided to go to the
supermarket and buy a 10 kg
Tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a
door to door round.
In less than two hours, He
succeeded to double his capital. He
repeated the operation three times
and returned home with $ 60
The man realized that he can
survive this way, and started to go
everyday earlier and return late.
Thus his money doubled or tripled
everyday.
Shortly, He brought a cart, then a
truck, then he had his own fleet of
vehicles.
5 years later, this man is one of the
biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family future,
and decided to have a life
insurance. He called an insurance
broker, and chose a protection
plan.
When the conversation was
concluded, the broker asked him
his email. The man replied "I don't
have an email"
The broker answered
curiously,"You don't have an email,
and yet have succeeded to build an
empire. Can you imagine what you
could have been if you had an
email?!"
The man thought for a while and
replied,"Yes, I'd be an office boy at
Microsoft"
Moral of the story :
1) INTERNET/Email/Bbm/Whatsapp
is not the solution to your Life
2) If you don't have internet/Email/
Bbm/whatsapp, and work hard,
you can be Millionaire
3) If you received this Message by
Email/Bbm/Whatsapp, you're
probably already an office boy/Girl,
and not any close to being a
Billionaire
P.S - I'm closing my Facebook and
going to sell tomatoes
Finally, I told my parents that I want a Blackberry or An Apple..
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My Mother said: "Ghar mein Mosambi hai, pehle woh kha"
APPLE Se "Vitamins" milta hain.
Vitamin se "Power",
Power se "Work" hota he.
Work se "PAISA",
PAISE se "Marriage" hoti he.
aur Marriage se "WIFE" milti he.
Wife se "Tension" hi milti he.
Aur Tension se Depression.
Depression se "DEATH."
Le Beta,
Aur Khaa Apple....
7 TYPES OF GIRLS ...
__________________________________
1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:
Just for looking.
4. INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.
5. SERVER Girls:
Always busy when needed.
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.
7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave
even after format...
New Drugs For MEN Created By WOMEN Scientists...
ANIVERSIA: Triggers Memories of Birthdays and Anniversaries.
SLIMOXIL: Widens Male Cornea Making Wives Appear Slim.
SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts With the optic Nerve To Prevent Men From Recognizing The Word "Sports" On TV.
WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an Insatiable Desire In Men To Do Household Chores.
SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes Men Eager To Take Wives For Shopping Every Week And Wait Patiently.
FLIRTONATE-N: It Reduces Vision Whenever A Pretty Girl Passes By
A man finds a beautiful girl at an airport cafe sittin nxt to him..
He thinks to himself
'' she must b a flight attendant, but which airline does she wrk for??''
hopin to get her attention he leans towards her n say's emirates slogan
'' keep discovering..''
she nvr notices him...
Again he leans n say's kingfisher's slogan:
'' fly the good times...'
n again no response..
Again he leans over to say another airlines slogan...
She turns n say's
'' kya takleef hai tere ko mc??
Man smiles, leans back n sd
'' ahhh.... Air india !!!
Girls wil b grls
A grl gave a pendrive to a boy
&said
"isme facebook daal k dena"
Boy gave a stupid luk 2 her
&
then girl said
"kya hua 2 Gb me nai aaega kya?
Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
They were both her maternal grandparents.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss dropped dead in the middle of a meeting!
Boys are always Happy Creatures WHY?
1-Their last name stays with them forever,
2-Phone conversatns last just for 30 secs flat,
3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,
4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,
5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,
7-They dont freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.
Pass this to women who can digest it..and
To Men who'll enjoy reading it
Ths s a miracle hpnd recntly at Pune. A boy & girl lvd sincrly. They usd 2 chat in mobile 4 hours. D guy wnt abroad 4 a mnth due 2 his work. D girl died in an accidnt. D girl's last wish ws 2 burry her along wth her mobile. Thn her parnts put d mobile in it & left. After a month d guy calld d girl's mom and said "Aunty, i'll be coming 2mrw, i want tis 2 b a surprise, so dnt tell Abi". D next day d guy came and asked abut Abi. Thy tld truth. He said "dn't joke i spoke wth her sterday". Nobody believed. Suddenly d guy's mobile rang and displayd "Abi calling". He puts d moble in loudspeaker, it ws clearly found Abi's voice. Their pulses stopd. Thn thy realizd tht d girl was using vodafone sim. "Wrever u go, the ntwrk follows". Thanx for wasting 2 minutes for readng tis as i did. Now ur job is to fwd tis and waste others time....
A passenger touched the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him to stop
The driver screamed, lost control, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, & smashed against a wall.
Then the driver said: Don't you ever do that again, you scared me!
The passenger asked: How did a little touch scare u so much?
Driver replied,
Its my first day as a taxi driver. I've been driving a van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years!
Doctor And Sardar .
Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt...?!!
If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, why are whales FAT??
Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND?
Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to DIE?
Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess as the WHITE piece is moved FIRST?
In our country, we have FREEDOM of SPEECH, then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS?
If money doesn't grow on TREES then why do banks have BRANCHES?
Why doesn't GLUE stick to its BOTTLE?
Why do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT?
If its true that we are here to HELP others, what are others HERE for?
If you arent supposed to DRINK and DRIVE why do bars have PARKING lots?
If All The Nations In The World Are In Debt, Where Did All The Money Go..?
When Dog Food Is New With Improved Taste, Who Tests It..?
If The "Black Box" Flight Recorder Is Never Damaged During A Plane Crash, Why Isn't The Whole Airplane Made Out Of That Stuff..?
Who Copyrighted The Copyright Symbol..?
Can You Cry Under Water..?
Why Do People Say "You've Been Working Like A Dog" When Dogs Just Sit Around All Day..??
We all r Living in a seriously funny world..!
All new series of Rajnikanth:
Rajnikanth was shot today... Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral!
Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan 'via Bluetooth'!
Rajnikanth can draw a straight line with a compass!
Rajnikanth knows who let the dogs out!!
Rajnikanth`s pulse is measured in Richter scale!
The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth`s signature!!!
When God watched Robot, he said, "Oh my Rajnikanth!"
Rajnikanth has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house!!
Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost`s
energy;
and Complan is a Rajnikanth boy!
Rajnikanth participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but
Einstein died watching that since Light came second!!
Intel's new ad: "Rajnikanth Inside"
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When Alexander Graham Bell first used his telephone, he realized that he already had two missed calls from Rajinikanth.
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Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, RAJINIKANTH lives in the South and no one has guts to point at him!!!
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The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Rajinikanth!
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An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai, Rajinikanth stopped it in Lonawala!
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Rajinikanth can whistle in 5 different languages!
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Only Rajinikanth knows why Mona Lisa is smiling.
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Rajinikanth is the only person in the world who can make his girlfriend admit her mistake!
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Rajinikanth went to the world cooking championship...of course Rajini won. But guess what did he make in final??? Lal mirchi ki meethi kheer.
A Challenge 4U.
Yeh 5 chiz hai jo hum roz dekhte hai
Spelling thik karke Batao
1.Pturecmo
2.Cebofoak
3.beutghtil
4.rtaslpsu
5.riromr
Lets Check Ur BrAin
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk'.".
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk". The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?". The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk".
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task you demanded and have found what you had asked for.
There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth." The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound"..
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "the sound you seek is behind that door". The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, "May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,.. silver, topaz and amethyst..
Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last door". The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight....
But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!
3 guys Proposd Gal
1st: I Cn Die 4 u!
Gal: All Ppl Say that!
2nd: I'll Brng Star 4m Sky!
Gal: Old dialouge!
3rd: I'll gv u my FB password & will switch off my BBM and deactivate whtsapp for u.
Gal (in tears ): Pagal itna pyar krta hai, Love U Too...
A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. D man turned to him n said, "Let's talk".
Kid: Ok, wat do we talk abt?
Man (making fun of d kid): How abt nuclear power?
Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask u a question... Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excrete pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps. Why?
Man: I don't know.
Child: Do u really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues wen u dont know shit...?
1 admi k 3 dost the
Teeno doctor the..
2 pagal the
1 ko samjh ni thi..
Jis ko samj ni thi
Us k 3 hospital the
2 band the
1 khulta ni tha..
Jo khulta ni tha
us me 3 fans the
2 band the
1 chalta ni tha..
Jo chalta ni tha,
us ko 3 mechanic k pas le gye
2 ko kam ata ni tha
1 se hota ni tha..
Jis se hota ni tha
Us k 3 shagird the
2 aate ni the
1 ghr me rhta tha..
Jo ghar me rahta tha
Wo wohi shuru wala admi tha jis k 3 dost the..
Mere b 3 dost the
2 pagal ho gaye
or 1 abi ho raha hai..
A CLASSIC:
Why gujjus do well in any field.....
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Mr. Patel.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Mr. Patel says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Mr. Patel says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.............
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.
Mr. Patel says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room..
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.
498 people leave the room.
Mr.Patel says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?'
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, Mr. Patel turns to the other candidate and says,
`Kem chho ?
... The other candidate answers 'ekdam majaa maa !!
Define girl... ...
The 1 who
b4 goin out for a party,
Gets
Facial,
Bleach,
Waxing,
Hair curling/straighting,
Threading,
Toning,
Scrubing,
Moisturising,
done
&
Puts on
Lipstik,
LipGloss,
Lipliner,
Perfume,
Body toner,
Body lotion,
Eye liner,
Eye shadow,
Eye maskara,
Foundation,
Face powder,
Rings,
Bracelets,
Neckless,
Nail Print
Party dres,
Sandal
Purse
and
Says-
"Yaar,jaldi me kuch khaas kia hi ni, aise hee
uth kar aa gayi..."
Define
boy...
The one who b4 goin 2 party calls his frnd & asks :
"Bhai, tu nahaa k aayega kya?"
Frnd Reply : chal be tere baap ki baraat hai kya...!
ωσмєη ωιℓℓ вє ωσмєη..A 54 yr old woman hd a heart attack & ws taken 2 the hospital. While on d operating table she hd a near death experience.
Seeing God she askd Is my time up?
God said No you hv anothr 34 yrs 2 live.
Upon recovery, d woman decided 2 stay in d hospital & hv a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing d road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked, You said I had another 34 years 2 live. Why didn't you save me from d truck?
(You'll love this)
God replied:
"I didn't recognize you!=))
Boy: Daddy I want to marry ...
Dad: First say sorry..
Boy: For what?
Dad: Say sorry..
Boy: But for what, what did I do?
Dad: You first say sorry ...
Boy: But what's my fault?
Dad: You first say sorry ...
Boy: BUT WHY???
Dad: You first say sorry ...
Boy: Please, atleast tell me a reason???
Dad: You first say sorry ...
Boy: Ok, I am sorry
Dad: Now you are ready, your training is complete. When you learn to say sorry without any reason, you can marry
True lines
.
.
bachpan me ham waha sona pasand karte the jaha se chand tare dikhe. .
Aur aaj waha jaha charger laga sake
.
Aisa nhi k ye zindgi buri hai,
Par school or clg life ki baat kuch or thi
.
Aisa nhi k ab hasi nhi aati,
Par dosto me beth kr khil-khilane wali bat Kuch or thi
.
Aisa nhi k ab tension se raat nhi guzarti,
Par exams ki raato me jagne wali bat Kuch or thi
.
Aisa nhi k aage aa kr kuch hasil na kiya ho,
Par passing marks le kr party udane wali bat Kuch or
thi
.
Aisa nhi h ki ab logo ko jante pehchante nahi,
but woh duur se 'kamine rukk' bolke dost ko awaz dene ki baat hi kuch aur thi
.
Aisa nahi hai ki ab tiffin share nahi karte,
but canteen mein kisi aur ke plate se cheen ke khane ki baat kuch aur thi
.
Aisa nhi k ab zindgi nhi kat rhi hai,
Par dosto me zindgi jine ki bat hi kuch or thi
.
Dedicated to all friends
For your busy scedule in your job n business
Result agar acha ho:
.
Teacher - Hoshiyar bacha hai
Maa - Bhagwan ki kripa hai
Papa - Beta kiska hai
DOST - Chal daaru peetey hai
.
.
Result agar bura ho:
.
Teacher - Padhai mein dhyan nhi kya
Maa - Aag lage is mobile mein
Papa - Laad pyar ne bigaad diya
Dost - Chal daaru peetey hai
.
.
B'day par
.
Maa - Jug jug jiye mera beta
Papa - Hamesha aage bade
DOST - Chal daaru peetey hain
.
.
Love me fail hone pr
.
Maa - Beta bhul ja usko
Papa - Be a Man!
DOST - CHAL DAARU peetey Hai
YAAR
.
MORAL OF STORY - Duniya badal
jati hai but DOST kabi nahi
badalte!! ☺☺
.
1 Like For Friends And Tag Ur Bestie
Pappu:- dad me aaj aapko ek baat batana chahta
hun
.
Dad:- bolo
.
Pappu:- Dad maine Facebook pe ladkiyon ke naam
se 5 fake I'd banayi hain
.
Dad:- nalayak aur kuch kaam nahi hai tere pas
lekin tu ye mujhe kyu bata raha hai??
.
Pappu:- dad aap jis Pinky Sharma ko ek mahine
se patane ki try kar rahe ho wo meri hi fake id
hai
एक अमीर आदमी अपने बेटे
को लेकर गाँव गया,
.
ये दिखाने कि what is गरीबी
:
:
:
गाँव की गरीबी दिखाने के
बाद बेटे से पूछा
"देखा गरीबी..??"
:
:
:
बेटे ने जवाब दिया : हमारे
पास 1 dog ...........
उनके पास 10- 10 गाये है
.
हमारे पास नहाने का छोटा
सा जगह है
..
उनके पास. तालाब है
.
हमारे पास बिजली है....
उनके पास सितारे...
.
हमारे पास हवा मे' small
place of ....
उनके पास बडे बडे खेत......
.
हम खाना डिब्बे का बासी
खाते है....
वो उगा कर और ताजा
तोडकर खाते है.
.
उनके पास अपने सच्चे मित्र
है......
बस कंप्यूटर ही हमारा मित्र
है
.
हमारे पास खुशियाँ खरीदने
को पैसा है......
उनके पास खुशियाँ है पैसे
की जरुरत ही नही
.
उनके पापा के पास बेटे के
लिऐ समय है....
पापा आपके पास समय ......
नही है।
:
:
:
पापा एकदम चुप....चाप.
.
बेटे ने कहाँ ''Thanks पापा
for showing me कि हम
कितने गरीब है ।
.
गांव को पसंद करने वाले
आगे शेयर करे।
Ishq ke school me naya mahoul taiyar ho gaya 🌹👏🏻
.
.
.
Pappu ki GF se puri class ko pyar hogaya 💃🏻
.
.
.
Bas tabhi se pappu udas ho gaya, 😌😔😞
.
.
.
Puri class fail or Pappu pas ho gaya!
Gf : hi jaanu , kya kar re ho ?
.
Bf : paise jod ra hu .....
.
Gf : aaaaawww 😍 i know mere new phone k liye aap paise jod re ho na baby , how sweet of u muah 😘
.
Bf : 😐 50rs ka note fatt gya hai ,
usko jod ra hu ...
tape laga ke
Quarter 🍺 ke liye
Boy : What is 143 😍
.
Girl : i love you😘
.
Boy : no.😒
.
Girl : i miss you😘
.
Boy : no.😒
.
Girl : i need you😞
.
Boy : no.😒
.
Girl : i kill you😡
.
Boy : no.😒
.
Girl : phir kya hai ? 😨
.
.
.
.
.
Boy : One Hundred & Forty Three
.
Pehle Jaa KE Numbers Sikle Gawar
Classic Insult -
.
Lecture Was Going On.. Suddenly A Boy Went Out
Of The Class.
.
.
Lecturer:"Ye Bahar Kyu Chala Gaya.. ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
His Friend: "Sir Usko Neend Mein Chalne Ki Aadat Hai 😂😂
.
Hahahahaha students Thoko Like
अब ये अफ़वाह किसने फैलायी कि
कटप्पा की पत्नी का नाम सिलबट्टा है
बेटी का नाम दुपट्टा
और पोते का नाम
देसी कट्टा 🔫 है और
सुनने में आया है की उसके गाँव का नाम हड़प्पा है...
उसका favourite food गोलगप्पा है
और सूत्रो के हवाले से पता चला है...
की उथप्पा उसके खानदान का आखरी वारिस है
3 सरदार पिकनिक पर गये
वहा जाकर याद आया
😯 😦 😧
" पेप्सी " तो घर पर ही भूल गये ...
😶 😐 😶
फिर सब ने डिसाईड किया कि सबसे छोटा सरदार जाकर " पेप्सी " लेकर आयेगा...
छोटा सरदार: " मे एक शर्त पर जाउँग
तुम दोनो मेरे आने तक समोसे नही खाँओगे.."
😐 दोनो ने कहा ठीक है 😐
..
..
2 घटें गुजर गये
..
..
..
..
4 घटें गुजर गये
..
..
..
..
..
..
दिन गुजर गये छोटा सरदार नही आया..
दिन गुजर गये छोटा सरदार नही आया..
😕 दोनो ने सोचा 😕 कि अब समोसे खा लेने चाहिये ..
जैसे ही समोसा हाथ मे उठाया..छोटा सरदार पेड़ के पीछे से निकल कर बोला..
''
ऐसे करोगे तो मे नही जाऊँगा...!!!!!"😛
She: bhaiya burger.
He: khana hai ya pack karu?
She: khana hai pack kar do.
.
*Girls will be girls.*
Sarkari Hospital Special :
Dr.: kya hua hai?
Patient : sir, bukhar hai.
Dr.: Paracetamol le lo.
Next patient
Patient : malaria hua hai.
Dr.: Paracetamol le lo.
Next patient
Patient : mera haath tut gaya.
Dr.: Paracetamol le lo.
Next patient
Patient : Dr mere dono haath tut gaye.
Dr.: ohh! Dis is very sad...ab tum Paracetamol kaise khaoge
BSNL...
ये वही company है जो भुज में भूकंप के बाद 24 घंटे में network restore कर देती है..
Uttarakhand में बाढ़ के बाद 24 घंटे मे मोबाइल सुविधा चालू कर देती है ..
सभी BSNL के उपभोक्ताओं को मोबाइल लोकेशन की सुविधा free में उपलब्ध करवाती है ...
Leh में लैंड स्लाइडिंग के बाद भी बीएसएनएल exch शुरू कर दिया जाता है ...
बात जम्मू की हो या चेन्नई की ....
BSNL एक दोस्त की तरह आप के साथ है ...
चेन्नई में बाढ़ के बाद किसने क्या दिया
vodafone 10 rs talk time and 10 minutes
airtel 30 rs talk time 2 days validity.
aircel 10 minutes
rcom.. 10 minutes
BSNL unlimited talk time to all prepaid subscriber for 7 days..
अब प्राइवेट operators द्वारा बांटी गए चिल्लर से आप खुश तो नहीं होंगे पर अफओस जरूर करेंगे की हमने जिसे भर भर के पैसे दिए उसने हमें मिनटो (talk time) का मोहताज बना दिया...
मित्रो भगवान किसी भी मुसीबत से सभी को बचाये ...
परंतु अपना एक सच्चा दोस्त बनाये...
आपका अपना सच्चा दोस्त...
BSNL
सदैव आपके साथ आपके लिए....
At Desi wedding..
.
.
.
Boy 1-"Yaar, Pili wali meri."
😍
😍
.
.
.
Boy2- Acha? Lal wali meri phir
😘
😘
.
.
Boy3- Saale, kuch to sharam
kar Lal wali ke
hi shaadi pe aaye hai
एक बार इक ताई पिक्चर देखन गई तो फिर एक छोरे ने पूछा , रे ताई पिकचर देख आई कै ? .
ताई बोली , रे छोरे के बताउ थारे को.. .
छोरा बोला , के बात होगी ताई ? .
ताई बोली , बात के हॉणी हे.. जब मैं फिलम देखण लगी तो फिलम में मेरे जेठ जेसे एक मरद था। फिर के होणा था सारी फिलम में घुघट काढ़ कर बेठी रई
Engineer Doctor ke paas gaya aur
bola ghar jaane ki kya fees hai..?? 😳 😳
.
Doctor:"300 rupees
☺
☺
.
Engineer:"Chale Dr Sahab.. ??
😊
😊
.
Dr ne bike nikali
engineer aur Dr Ghar pahuch gaye
.
Dr bola mareez kaha hai.. ??
😳
😳
.
Engineer:"Mareez koi nahi hai pagal,
taxi wala 500 maang raha tha aur tu
300 mai le aaya... 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁
.
Engineer Rocked
Police: Where do you live?
KID: With my parents
Police:Where do your parents live?
KID: With me
Police: Where do you all live?
KID: Together
Police: Where is your house?
KID: Next to my neighbors house
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
KID: If I tell you, you wont believe me
Police: Tell me
KID: Next to my house
Kids these days
Ramu :" Yaar answer sheet par sabse pehle kya likhu ?? :|
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pappu:" Yehi ki is answer sheet par
likhe gaye sabhi answers kalpnik hai,
jinka kisi bhi book se koi smbandh nahi hai...
agar samanta dikhi bhi to yeh mehaz ek ittefaq hoga.
Jungle Mai Cheeta Bidi Pine Wala Tha,
1 Chuha Aaya Aur Bola..
"Bhai, Chhod Do Nasha, Aao Mere Sath,
Dekho Jungle Kitna Khoobsurat Hai !"
Cheeta Chuhe K 7 Chal Diya.
Agey Hathi Drugs Le Raha Tha.
Chuhe Ne Usey Bhi Yehi Sab Kaha,
.
Haati Bhi 7 Chal Diya.
Agey Sher Whisky Pine Wala Tha.
Chuhe Ne Usey Bhi Kaha.
Sher Ne Glass Rakha Aur
Chuhe Ko 5 Thappd Mare.
Haathi- Kyu Maar Rahe Ho Bechare Ko ?
Sher- Iss Saale Ne Kal Bhi Bhang Pi Ke
Mujhe 3 Ghante Jungle Mai Ghumaya Tha
Mom: School ja..
kid : nahi jaunga ...
Mom: kyun ??
kid: Job kar lunga...!!
.
.
Mom:" Nalayak beshram.. Class 2 mein padh k
kya job karega..??
kid: "Class 1 ki ladkiyo ko tution
padhaunga...!!"
Confidence to dekhie aaj bacche ka... !!
Beautiful girl : is dress ki kia price hai?
.
.
.
shop keeper : only 5 kisses
.
.
.
beautiful girl : us dress ki?
.
.
.
shop keeper : only 10 kisses
.
.
.
beautiful girl : dono dress pack ker do bill
dadi dengi
Girl Uploads a pic -
Meet my dog Punu...
Boy1: Aww punu is cho cute.
Boy2: bahut pyaala dogu hai !
Boy3: haaye, kaash hum kutte hote.
....
....
....
Boy Uploads a pic -
Meet my dog Punu...
Boy1- Bhai Inme se kutta kaun hai?
Boy2- Akhir mein tera baap mil hi gaya. :))
Boy3- khud ke khaane ka thikana nahi kutta paalne chala., huh.
Papa laaye motor car..
Papa laaye motor car..
Uske niche pahiye chaar..
Chaabi se wo chalti hai..
Po po po po karti hai..
Aage jaaye piche aaye..
Daaye baaye wo mud jaaye..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Moral: 90% Logo ne ye Tune mai pada hoga
.
Hit Like agar tum wo 90% mai aate ha
Girl: Papa ek important baath karni thi. .
Father: Bolo beta .
Girl: Mai ek ladke se pyaar karti hoon
aur woh america mein rehta hai .
Father: Lekin tum is se kaha mili ??
Girl: WEBSITE par hamari jaan pehchan hui,
FACEBOOK par hum dost bane,
SKYPE par usne mujhe propose kiya .
aur WHATSAPP par humne 2 mahino tak pyaar kiya. heart emoticon
Father : Ohh!! Really...
Toh ab TWITTER mein shaadi
karlo MAKE MY TRIP se honeymoon mana lo
FLIPKART se bacche mangwalo
GMAIL se recieve karlo .
Aur
Finally agar pati pasand nahi aaye toh ..
OLX be bech dalo!!!!!!!
Bacha:- Bhagwan kare teacher ki zuban cut jaye. Roz roz dant ti hai. Next day zuban cut gayi
.
.
Bacha :- Bhagwan kare master ka hath toot jaye. Tang karta hai...
bahut marta hai. Next day hath toot jata hai...
.
.
Bacha :- Bhagwan mere BAAP ko utha le.Bahut marte hai.Next day baap ghar aate hain,
.
.
Bacha :- Papa Aapko kuch nahi hua ??
Baap :- Nahi kyo
Bacha :- Maa kahan hain...??
Baap :- pados me SHARMA uncle ki death ho gai hai,
wahan Gayi hai..
Lalu: "I love u" ka matlab kya hai?
SONIA: Mai tumse pyar karti hu.
LALU: lo kar lo baat.Angreji me ek sawal
ka puch liya, Pagli fida ho gai hum pe
Teacher : Bacho wada karo kabhi sharab,cigaret nahi piyoge..
Bachey : nahi piyenge.
Teacher : Girls ka picha nahi karoge.
Bachey : nahi karenge.
Teacher : Girls se friendship nahi karoge.
Bachey : nahi karenge.
Teacher : Or watan pe zindagi qurban karoge.
Bachey : kar denge aisi zindagi ka aur karna bhi kya hai
Pintu : I love u...
.
Ladki ne zor se
thappad maara,
aur boli ..
Kya kaha tune ??
Pintu ne bhi ghuma kar
2 zordaar chaanta maara
aur kaha.. : Kamini..
jab suna hi nahin
to maara kyun !
Husband : mujhe
neend nahi aa rahi hai
Wife : jao jaakar
bartan saaf kar do
Husband : neend me
bol raha hun pagli..
Husband: Tumhre Shadi se pehle kitne boyfrnd the?
.
Wife silent!
.
Husbend chilla k: Main is khamoshi ko kyA smjhu?
.
Wife: Haye rabba....
Gin to rhi hoon chilla kyu rhe ho....
DARPOK Hai Wo log jo,
single hain..,Shaadi nahi Karte...
Saala JIGAR chahiye,
Khushi se BARBAAD Hone Ke Liye....
😛
ATTiTUDE ROCKZ :
Saas Bahu Se=Uth Ja Kambakht
Dekh Suraj 🌞 Kabka Nikal Aaya Hai
Bahu= Hey Relax Mom... Wo Sota Bhi To Mujhse Pehle Hai..!
THiNK Different
😜😜
Pappu - agar duniya ki sarri admiyo ka chehra ek jaisa hota toh kya hota ?
Golu - wahi hota jo gas cylendr ka hota hai..kabhi iskey ghar kabhi uske ghar
Have a laugh 😄😄😄👏👏
Law of equality 💠
The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll call u in 5 min!📞📱
😜😜😜😜
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
I argued👿... She argued👿...
I shouted😡... She shouted😡 and then she cried😭
Result: she won by duckworth lewis method😱
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
Chess is the only game in the world,
which reflects the status of the husband.
the poor king can take only one step at a time ...
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
-------------🙋🙆💁🙅
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
All Men are Brave,
Horror Movies don't Scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ..surely does...😝😝😝
One Smart Guy Invented
"WhatsApp"
His Wife Added a feature in it called
'Last Seen At'😜👌
Thank god she didnt add
'last seen with'
😉😝😝--------------------------------------------------------------
Punch Of D Day ....
✨✨👊👊✨✨
Once A Man Asked God: "Why All Girls Are So Cute & Sweet, And All Wifes Are Always Angry
God Answered: Girls Are Made By Me ... And you make them Wife...!!!
Your Problem.. !!! 😉
How BEDROOM smells after MARRIAGE:
First 3 years....
Perfumes, Flowers, Chocolate, Fruits...
💐🌹💝🍫🍇🍓🎂
After 3 years....
Baby Powder, Johnson's Cream and Lotions, Baby Oils....
👪
After 15 years....
Zandu Balm, Vicks, Iodex, Relispray....
😡😠😴
After 40 years....
Agarbatti...
😪😂
**********************
Four stages of marriage:
😄Mad for each other,
😍 Made for each other,
😘 Mad at each other &
😬 Mad because of each other
**********************
What's Marriage?
Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans, that Destroys All The Six Senses and Makes The Person NON Sense..!
😜😜😝😝😜😜😝😝
**********************
Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants.
😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝
**********************
Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command....
Husband: Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband....!!
😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝
**********************
'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
- Shakespear
"Laughing At your Wife's Mistakes, can SHORTEN your Life...."
- Shakespear's Wife
Who are lizards?
Awesome answer
by a kid....
They are
those poor crocodiles who forgot to have Horlicks when they were young😂
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What is a Pizza..?
Awesome answer:
A Pizza.. is just a Paratha that went abroad
for higher education !
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What is the similarity between Media And Wife ?
Jab tak ek hi baat 100 baar na bata de, dono ke dil ko sukoon hi nahi milta...😀
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What's the best example of "once in a lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:👋👋😜😛😄
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Ladkiyon ki aadhi zindagi husband ki "Talash" me.. Aur baki aadhi.. Husband ki "Talaashi" mein guzar jati hai.. 😝😁
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Aaj ka SUVICHAR ....
💬
"BADAAM khaane se utni
Akkal nahi aati" ...
"Jitni shadi ke bad
Aati hai... "
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
If 'muuaah' is a Kiss..
Then... . . . . . . . . . . .
'Kalmuuaah' is promise to kiss tomorrow...!!
No Claps plzzz...!!
I hate publicity.....
I m the best.
I can prove it.
I can put Coffee in coffee cup.
Can you put world in World Cup?
OK 1 more
I can send my Address on your Mobile.
Can you send your Mobile on my Address?
No..
Ok OK
I can eat Cream Biscuits with Cream.
Can you eat Tiger Biscuit with tiger?
Kaha na only I m the Best...
🌲🌳🌳
Dost kaminey hone chaahiye;
Co-operative to Banks bhi hote hai.😛
Becoz of Global Warming........
Our Next generation will not b able to see Tigers !!!!
.
.
.
Toh Hum kya kare?
Humne bhi to Dinosaur nahi dekha hai.
Kabhi Shikayat ki kya?
Only 940 girls are left for every 1000 boys
in
India .........
SAVE GIRLS !!!
..
we can save the tigers later....
.
.
.
Bike pe piche ladki chahiye ya tiger ??
.
.
choice is yours....
Janhit Mein Jaari....
Bachao Naari..!!
What is a kiss? * In Maths: A kiss is the shortest
distance between two lips.
* In Biology: It's the exchange
of germs from one mouth to
another.
* In Chemistry: It's a process of testing the ph of lips.
* In Physics: It's a process to
charging a human body.
* In Computer: It's a local area
network in which two bodies
are connected without data cables.
* In Economics: It's a process in
which demand is higher than
the supply.
Which Is More Correct?
During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”
Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.
When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!”
This is called “Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!
When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”
The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”
This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!
After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.
This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!
The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.”
This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.
The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”
This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”
The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.
This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!
So who are the real robbers here?
PLE EXAMS 2015 - UNEB (Instructions: Answer all questions). Time allowed: 5 Minutes.
1: "Explain using diagrams why Straka cannot use boda bodas (8 marks)"
2: What is the alternative name to a thief in Uganda
a) Kazinda
b) Govt official
c) MP
d) All the above (5 marks)
3: The cow died. Begin sentence with 'death' using Seya tense
a) Death deaded the cow
b) Death, alas the cow
c) deathen’t the cow? (5 marks)
4: If Besigye left his house @ 11.30am and police is notified @ midday, calculate time for evacuating the city? (7 marks)
5: Fill in the missing words, Janet is to Museveni as ...............¬....... is to Olara Otuunu. (5 marks)
6: With 50k in his wallet David Ivan was stopped by seven policemen on his way to work...how much money did David Ivan have when he reached work? (7 marks)
6: If John M. earns 1.5m but owns a 10billion complex, what is the probability that John M is a minister (4marks)
7: In a verbal fight, place the winners in order.
a) Andrew Mwenda
b) Golola Moses
c) Salaam Musumba
d) Tamale Mirundi (4marks)
8: If u own 20% shares in Umeme, what is the probability that you will have power (5 marks)
9: Mad Tiger, Weasel, Chameleone, Mad cobra, Lizard, Master Parrot, Young Mulo, Sweet Kid, Radio, Elephant man... Which profession do these animals belong (2marks)
10: In the event that Wandegeya gets its independence, what is its likely national emblem?
a) Pig
b) TV chicken
c) Kaloli (5 marks)
10: Besides Constitution Square, name any other popular sleeping place for policemen (2 marks)
Three guys were discussing about
thierwives.
The first guy said "when my wife
was
pregnant she read, the novel: the
2 cities and
gave birth 2 twins".
The second guy said, my wiferead the 3
musketeers and gave birth 3 triplets.
The 3rd guy stood up and started
running heading
home, when asked why?
He said
"my wife is pregnant and she's
reading ali baba
and the 40 thieves.
*WEALTH is when you buy a 1st class return ticket to the UK just to pick up a dress...#Real-Talk
*TROUBLE is slapping a soldier in front of the Quarter guard of the barracks...#lmao
*FAITH is using the last money on you to buy a wallet...#Real-Talk
*IRONY is having the Chairman of the Unemployed Association driving a Range Rover Sport...#IronyIndeed
*STUPIDITY is having six cars while living in a rented apartment...#Fool
*WISDOM is dating your landlord's daughter...#Collateral
*COURAGE is asking how much your boss earns per month...coz you think you work harder than him.#Real-Talk
*FOOLISHNESS is hiring a $500, cab to watch a film of $80...#Why Not Wait For The Pirated Copy?
*LOVE is buying kebabs for your girlfriend and eating only the onions...#True Love
*STINGINESS is when you finish reading this and you don't copy and paste and send to your contacts...make them laugh too!
मै घर लेट आया तो पापा ने पुछा: कहा था कमीने?
मैने कहा: दोस्त के घर पर था तो पापा ने मेरे ही सामने मेरे १० दोस्तों को फोन लगाया
चार दोस्तों ने कहा जी अंकल यही पर था
तीन ने कहा अभी अभी निकला है
दो ने कहा यही पर है अंकल,पढ रहा है, फोन दु क्या.....?
एक कमीने ने हद कर दी...., वो मेरी आवाज मे बोला जी पापा बोलो क्या हुआ.....?
ये सुनकर तो पापा भी हस पडे और बोले.......
कमीने आज पता चला के "दोस्त जिंदगी मे नही मिलते बल्की जिंदगी दोस्तों मे मिलती है.....😀😀😀
Special Doston share karo
काश.... बीबी के लिए भी क़ानून आ जाये.
1, 3, 5, 7 को पत्नी बोलेगी पति सुनेगा.
2, 4, 6, 8 को पति बोलेगा आैर पत्नी सुनेगी .
"INNOVATIVE IDEA" केंद्र सरकार को चाहिए कि जितने आतंकवादी मारे जाएं उनके शव दफनाने की बजाय जलाना शुरू कर दें।
यह उपाय आतंकवाद मे कमी आने का उपाय साबित हो सकता है।क्योंकि पहली बात आतंकवाद का कोइ धर्म नहीं होता।
इसलिए क्या फर्क पडता है उसे जलाया या दफनाया जाए?
दूसरी बात फिदायीन हमलावर मरने के बाद जलने लगेंगे तो जिन 72 हूरों के लालच मे वह जिहादी बनते हैं उस सुख को कभी प्राप्त नहीं कर पाएंगे क्योंकि जलने के बाद शरीर राख बन जाएगा।
यह आजमाया जाना चाहिए प्रायोगिक तौर पर यदि कोइ विरोध करे तो बडे आराम से आतंकवाद का धर्म पता लग जाएगा।
Aurat:"Mera Shohar Ghar Aatey Hi Mujhy Maarna Peetna Shuru Kar Dete Hain,
Baba:"Woh Jaise Hi Ghar Aayen To Tum ye''TAWEEZ''apne Daant ke Neechey Dabaa Lena,
~ After 5 days ~
Baba Ji Taweez Daant ke Neechey Dabane Ka Itna Faida Hua k Ab
Woh Mujhe Kuch Nahi Kehta hai.
Baba:"Yeh Faida Taweez ka Nahi,
apni Zubaan Band Rakhne ka Hai..
Wife Shocked
Exams ke ek din pehle mujhe hosh aaya socha meine bohot aur cheating karne ka plan banaya
😉
😉
.
bathroom mein kardi meine cheating ki setting
😁
😁
.
aur ab bus karni thi mujhe bathroom jane ki acting
😝
😝
.
.
Exam paper dekh ke meri ankhon ke aage andhera chaya.
kya bataon paper tha physics ka aur mein chemistry le aaya
Most Common Dialogues During Exam:
1. Saale kitna likhega.. ??
.
2. Abe zor se bol na kuch sunai nai de raha. unsure emoticon
.
3. Madam I was asking for the eraser
.
4. Bata na fattu koi nai dekh raha upset emoticon
.
5. Yaar ye chapter kab karvaya tha.. ??
.
6. Yar ek din or mil jaata to padh lete
.
7. lag gyi bhai aaj frown emoticon
.
8. Paper kisne set kiya hai..??
.
9. Paper kaisa tha.. ??
.
10. sheet ko thora right main rakhna aur khud thora
khisak ke beth...han abb dikhayi dee raha hai..
.
And The Famous one wink emoticon
.
11. Bhagwaan bus is baar paas kardo.. Maa Kasam..
next tym acche se padhayi karunga. tongue emoticon
Ladkewale : Hamko Ladki Pasand Hai,Shaadi
Kab Karni Hai?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladkiwale : Abhi To Ladki Study Kar Rahi Hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladkewale : Haan To Hamara Ladka Kaunsa
Chhota Bachcha Hai,
Jo BOOKS Phaad Dega.
Professor: "Ek platform 2 km lambaa hai....Aandhi chal rahi hai. 60km/hr ki speed se,,
.
Ek train aayi aur delhi se
Mumbai ki taraf Chali gayi,,
.
To Sawal ye hai ki: "Meri Umar Kitni hai.?? !!
.
Sab Bachhe Hairaan ho ke ek Doosre ki Shakal dekhne Lage,,
.
Ek Student ne Jawab dene ke liye haath Uthaaya,,
.
.
Student: "Sir Aapki Umar 42 saal hai,,
.
Professor: "Very Gud Lekin
tumne kaise Calculate kiya ??
.
.
Student: "Sir Hamare Ghar ke paas ek
Aadmi Rehta hai wo
AADHA Pagal hai aur Uski
Umar 21 Saal hai.
Smart students thoko like
FUNNY INTERVIEW
Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Mind-blowing Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Now over, You May Go
Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Punctured.
Candidate: M P Sir...
(my pleasure)
Ek dukhi girlfriend ne, Apne boyfrnd ke liye, Shayari
likhi.....
.
.
.
Phoolo ka raja,
Baharo ka shahzada..
Phoolo ka raja baharo ka shahzada
.
.
Dil tor kar chala gaya..
KUTTA KAMINA HARAMZADA
Dear GIRLS
.
.
Aap logo ke Mob No.. pr agar koi Faltu ki
calls ya miss call kar k pareshan kar raha ho .
.
.
To uska mob no.. Olx me daal kar post
kar do ki -- i phone 5s
Only 1000 rs.. Mai
.
.
.
Kasam se jitne Calls aapko nai kiya hoga Usse jyada
use Aayenge
.
.
.
NOTE:- Ab Thanks bol ke rulana mat Bas ek "SMILE" Krdo kaafi hai
Generation Effect...
Ek bachha ro raha tha,
to uski mummy boli : kyun ro raha hai mera lal,
kya chahiye.. ??
Toffy.. ??
Biscuit.. ??
Cake.. ??
.
.
.
.
Beta : Bas ek sanam chahiye
Aaashiqui ke liye.
Who said car names don't have meaning -
FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life
TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.
ߚԠHONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.
BMW: Big Money Waste
AUDI : An unwanted debt invitation
Mercedes: Maximum enthusiasm , recurring cost, ego developed, eagerness to sell
And d best..
MARUTI:.
.
..
.
.
Made According to Roads & Users Typically Indian
Ladki:" (sharma ke) ye pyar kya hota hai.. ??
.
Ladka:" Pyar ka rishta 2 insaano me wohi hota he jo cement or rait ke darmiyan pani ka hota hai..
Dekho
Ladka= Cement
Ladki= Rait
Love= Pani
Ab agar cement or rait ko aapas me mila diya jaye to wo strong nahi hoge..
Agar in me pani mix kar diya jaye to inko koi juda nahi kar sakta...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladki:"(Hans ke boli) Kamine tu Engineer hai na ??
Ek baar Meine apne dost ko 3 baar call kiya !!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Usne ek baar b pick ni kiya
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Fir Mene Use ek Msg ki!
"She Wants ur Phn Nmbr Call me Urgently"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ab wo mujhe subah se 30 baar call kar chuka
hai aur ab me Phone ni utha raha
Ladki golgappe Kha raHi thi
°
°
°
20 -25 kHa liye honGe
Firr usne b.f se pucha "10 oR KHa lu ?"
°
°
B.F gusse se bola - "नागिन ! Kha le
.
Ladki ne b.F ko chaanta mara
°
°
"नागिन kisko bola beH
°
°
°
b.F arre marti Q hai
°
°
Mene kaha Na gin kha le
Hadd hai ye toh
साधू : बेटा आप मुझे
थोड़ा सा
पानी पिला देंगे..!!
.
.
बच्चा : अगर लस्सी हो जाये
तो..!!
.
.
साधू : तब तो बहुत
ही अछा होगा..!!
.
.
बच्चा लस्सी ले आया साधू ने
5 लोटे
लस्सी पीने के बाद बच्चे से
पूछा :
क्या तुम्हारे घर में कोई लस्सी
नही पीता .
जो तुम सारी लस्सी मेरे लिए ले आये..!!
.
.
बच्चा : पीते तो सब है..
लेकिन
आज सुबह
लस्सी
में चूहा गिर गया ,
और उसी में मर गया था..!!
.
साधू ने झल्लाकर
गुस्से में लोटा ज़मीं पर दे
मारा..!!
.
.
बच्चा रोते हुए बोला : मम्मी इन्होने हमारा
लोटा तोड़ दिया..!!
अब हम टॉयलेट में क्या लेकर
जायेंगे..??
.
.
साधू बेहोश..!!
Rahul: Daadi neend nahi aa rahi. Hum baate kare. ??
Daadi: thik hai smile emoticon
Rahul : Daadi kya hum hamesha 5 hi rahenge?
Aap,Mom,Dad,Mai aur Behen.
Daadi : Nahi beta aapki shaadi ho jayegi toh 6 ho jayenge. smile emoticon
Rahul : Fir behen chali jayegi shaadi karke toh fir 5 ho jayenge..
Daadi : Beta fir aapka beta ho jayega toh 6 ho jayenge. smile emoticon
Rahul : Fir aap mar jaaogi toh hum wapas se 5 ho jayenge. tongue emoticon
Daadi : Kaminne, kutte haramkhor Soja chup chap, aaya basa need nahi aa rahi baat kare.
Shaddi Se Pahale -
.
Boy: oh ! Is din ka to me kabse intejar karta tha
Girl: To me jau?
Boy: Nahi bilkul nahi
Girl: Do u luv me?
Boy: Ha. Karta tha,karta hu aur karta rahunga
Girl: Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?
Boy: Nahi. Isse achha to me mar jau
Girl: Would u like to kiss me?
Boy: Yes, i like it
Girl: Tum muje maroge?
Boy: Nahi me aisa aadmi nahi hu
Girl: kya me tum pe vishvash kar sakti hu?
Boy: yes
Girl: Oh darling!
.
(AUR SHADI K BAAD)
.
YE LINES PURA NICHE SE UPAR PADHO
Breakup Ke Baad Ladke ne ek Heart Touching Baat kahi"
.
.
Tu Mujhe Chhod ke CHALI gayi Iska Mujhe Dukh nahi
hai....
..
..
Par....
.
Sirf Wapis ake Meri Dusri SETTING Bigaadi To Bahot Mar
Khayegi Tu"
Class 10:
.
"beta, bas iss saal mehnat kar le
phir saari zindagi aaraam karna."
.
class 11:
.
"beta, do saal theek se padhai kar
le phir aaram se rehna."
.
Graduation:
.
"beta, bas degree achhi tarah puri
kar le, phir aaraam rahega."
.
After graduation:
.
"beta, post graduation kar le, phir
maje karna."
.
After Post graduation:
.
"nalayak, yahan pada aaraam kar
raha hai, kaam par kaun jayega."
Teacher to studnt Aaj tune fir homework kyun nahi kiya..??
😠
😠
.
Student:"sir, light nai thii
😏
😏
.
Sir:"to saale mombati jala leta
😒
😒
.
Student:"sir, machis nai utha sakta tha
😏
😏
.
Sir:"kyu.. ??
😳
😳
.
Student:"sir, puja ghar me rakhi thi
😰
😰
.
Sir:"to uthayi kyun nai.. ??
😠
😠
.
Student:"nahaya nai tha sir..
😁
😁
.
Sir:"saale nahaya kyu nai tha.. ??
😡
😡
.
Student:"paani nahi tha sir..
😒
😒
.
Sir:"paani kyu nahi tha.. ??
😷
😷
.
Student:"sir motor nahi chal raha tha..
😏
😏
.
Sir:"ullu k pathhe ab motor kokya hua.. ??
😠
😠
.
Student:"sir aap admi ho ya pajama, saala kitni baar bolu light nahi thi ??
लड़का – कहाँ हो
लड़की – mom dad के साथ..dinner कर रही हूँ ..
Taj होटल में ...घर पहुँच के बात करती हूँ.
.
तुम कहाँ हो ?
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लड़का– जिस भंडारे में तुम खाना खा रही हो . ...
मैं वहीँ तुम्हारे पीछे वाली..लाइन में परोस रहा हूँ...
कढ़ी चाहिए हो तो बता देना.
कल बङे भाई का फ़ॉर्वर्डेड मेसेज आया
"Belated Happy new year to you and your family"
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मैंने रिप्लाई किया : तुझे फॅमिली से बेदखल
कर दिया क्या ??
एक खरगोश 🐇 अपने जीवनकाल में दौड़ता है, उछलता
कूदता है ,
मस्ती करता है और फिर भी 15 साल तक ही जीवित
रहता है।
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जबकि एक कछुआ 🐢 न दौड़ता है और ना कुछ करता है
फिर भी
300 सालों तक जिंदा रहता है...
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मोरल- एक्सरसाइज जाए भाड़ में, आप तो निश्चिंत होकर
सोएं... बाहर ठण्ड है।
Shadi Mein DJ Ne Announce Kiya:
Jisko #Dance Nahi Karna,
Wo Jaake Apni Bhains Charaye.
Santa (Apni Wife Jeeto Se):
Chalo #Darling, Khana Khate Hein!!! :D :P
कल रात बार में बैठे-बैठे मैंने सोचा शराब छोड़ दूँ फिर याद आया...
नशे में निर्णय लेना ठीक नही 😛😛😛😛😛😛😛
जज: मैने आपको पहले कहीं देखा है....!!!
मुजरीम: जज साहेब, मैं कोठे पे तबला बजाता हूँ !!!
कोर्ट में सन्नाटा😝😝
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