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😅😅😅 Haridwar Tourism...की खतरनाक ऐडवरटाइज.

.! इससे पहले की कोई आपको लाये मटकी में डाल के..!!

कुछ दिन तो गुजारिये जिन्दा.., हरिद्वार में ...!! 😝😜

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बेटा: पापा, ये जैन लोग इतने अमीर कैसे होते हैं...? .

पापा: वो प्याज नहीं खाते बेटे! केवल ब्याज खाते है. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Friends, please avoid drinking Coffee...

I have discovered that this seemingly harmless beverage can make people really aggressive ...

Last night I had 4 pegs of whisky at the pub, while my wife had just two cups of coffee at home...

You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. 😜😄😜😄😜😄🍻🍻🍻🍻

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जितनी मर्जी आॅनलाइन शाॅपिंग करते रहो, पर मेरे पास आपको खुद ही चल कर आना पड़ेगा, क्योंकि

... . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

इंटरनेट पर बाल नहीं कटते।

~शर्मा न्हावी..✂ 😜😜😜😜

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साधारण लोग: सुसु जाना हैं.

गुलज़ार साहब- मचलती हैं पेट में कुछ लहरें सी, लगता हैं इन्हें किसी किनारे का इंतज़ार हैं.😜😄

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पूछ रही थी वो कल मुझसे:- क्या तुम मुझे याद करते हो ? . .

मुस्कराकर मैं बोला:- पगली याद करना इतना आसान होता तो . स्कुल में टॉप ना कर लेते हम 😆

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Hi all,

With the grace and blessings of God almighty, the good wishes of my family and friends I have brought myself a BMW 750 today

.

.

.

(BMW) Bisleri Mineral Water ...750 ml.. Was very thirsty 

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🔹कौन कहता है की शौक बड़ी चीज नही होती: . . . . .

मैने भिखारी को सिगरेट पीते हुए और अमीर को बीडी पीते हुए देखा है🔸

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पत्नी- मैं ड्राइवर को नौकरी से निकाल रही हूं, आज मैं दूसरी बार मरते-मरते बची हूं,

पति- प्लीज डार्लिंग, उसे एक मौका तो और दो......😡😂😂😂

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क्रिकेट खेलने इन्हें ... भारत आना है...

किताब रिलीज़ करने इन्हें ... भारत आना है ...

गाना गाने इन्हें ... भारत आना है ... . . . . .

तो पाकिस्तान क्या ... तुम्हारी माँ ### के लिए बनाया था ...? 😡😡👊🏻👊🏻⛳⛳⛳⛳

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🌴किसी ने ग़ालिब से पूछा: 🌹

"मोहब्बत शादी से पहले करनी चाहिए या शादी के बाद?!?" ग़ालिब ने कहा:............ 🌹

"कभी भी करो पर बीवी को पता नहीं चलना चाहिए!" 😂😀😜😉😛😄😊😘

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Santa Banta se bola “Bhai aaj to chay peene ka maza aa gaya.”

Banta : Santa Jee, agar billi ne dudh me muh na mara hota to aur bhi maza aata!!!

 

Pyar mein hisab kitab nahi krte ke kya khoya kya paya...

Gol gappay wala aaya Gol gappay laya..

zaruri nahi her shair ka koi matlab ho...

 

Aaj Khuda ki shararat samajh aayi, Is dharti pe aapki hukumat samajh aayi, Aapko dharti pe bhejna uska bahana tha..... . . . Ravan ke baad kisiko ko aana tha

 

Govt. Jiske 5 bache hai use ghar degi.

Santa k 3 the, usne wife se kaha padosan k 2 b mere hai unko lata hu. lane ke baad apne 3kaha gaye?

WIFE- Jink the wo le gye

 

Santa ne apne 6 saal ke bete ki party rakhi, kisine pucha 6month ke baby ka b'day kaise?

santa:- hum engineer semester systemko follow karte hai...

 

Interviewer: What is skeleton? Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

 

Manager asked to Santa at an interview Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Santa replyed: P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

 

Santa ne bhagte huye Bus pakdi aur Driver se puchha.

Bus teri Maa lagti he? Nahi.

Behen? Nahi.

Biwi? Nahi.

To kamine "PAKDNE" kyo nhi deta..

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LuV STORY OF DOCTOR:

I was in 12th She was in 12th

I love her - she love me

I got MBBS She got BCOM

I was doing MBBS She got MBA

I was preparing 4 MD entrance She got married

I m doing MD She's d mother of 2 children

I got PH.D Her daughter is in 1st stndrd,

I became DOCTRATE Hr daughtr passd 10th,

I hav joined job. Hr Daughtr joined College.

The Greatest irony- Today is my ENGAGEMENT & Her daughter also got married today .

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Girl to shopkeeper : Bhaiya aap ke pas aisa valentine card hai jisme likha ho.. 'U R MY 1st and would be my Last LOVE..?

Shopkeeper : Haan Hai..! . . . . . . . .

Girl : Theek hai 5 de do...😜😜😄😄

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whats app पर एक सन्देश घूम रहा है- जो अमृत पीते है,उन्हें देव कहते है।

जो विष पीते है,उन्हें महादेव कहते है।।

 

मैंने आगे जोड़ दिया- जो रोजाना थोड़ा थोड़ा पीते है,उन्हें पतिदेव कहते है।

😝😝😝😝😝😝

 

गली मैं बदनामी का आलम कुछ यूँ है की .....

उपवास के लिए चिप्स लेने जाओ, ......

तो दुकानदार पूछता है ...

"आज भी पीने का प्रोग्राम है !😜👆😝

 

भैया एक पान बनाना लेकिन चुना मत लगाना..

क्यो ?

वो मोदी जी लगा रहे है, एक्सट्रा हो जायेगा 😜😜

 

क्या खुब लिखा है,चंद लफ्जों में कहीं पे चांदी के चमचे है....!!

तो कहीं पे चमचों की चांदी है..!!

Happy appraisal time... 😀😀😁

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A mother’s bachelor son invited her over for a meal. He had just gotten two new dogs and
wanted his mom to see them.
When she sat down at the table, she noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that she had
ever seen in her life. “Have these dishes ever been washed?” she asked, running her fingers
over the grit and grime.
“They’re as clean as soap and water could get them,” he answered. She felt a bit
apprehensive but started eating anyway.
The food was really delicious, and she said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, her son took the dishes, put them on the floor, whistled, and yelled,
“Here, Soap! Here, Water!”

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A hound dog and a dalmatian were sitting in an Internet café. The dalmatian said to the
hound, “Hey, check out my Web site!”
The hound asked for the address, and the dalmatian responded, “www.dalmatian.dot-dotdot-
dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.”

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A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle, looking for something to eat. He came across
two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his
laptop. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

 


Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

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Two guys were hiking in the forest when they suddenly came across a big grizzly bear.

The one guy took off his hiking boots and put on some running shoes.

His friend said to him, “You’re crazy! Don’t you know how fast grizzlies are? You’ll never be able to outrun it!”


“Outrun it?” said his friend. “I only have to outrun you!”

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A turtle was mugged by three snails, but when a police officer asked the turtle to give a
description of what happened, all he could say was, “I don’t know, Officer. It all happened so
fast!”

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A man riding a bike and carrying two sacks on his shoulders was stopped by a guard while
crossing the border.
“What do you have in those bags?” asked the guard.
“Sand,” the cyclist replied.
“You’ll need to open them so I can take a look inside.”
The guard emptied the bags and found out they did indeed contain nothing but sand. The
man put his bags back on his shoulders and continued across the border.
This happened a couple of times each week for a month. Sometime later, that same guard
ran into the cyclist in the city.
“Hey, where have you been?” the guard asked. “You sure had me wondering. I know you
were smuggling something across the border. If you tell me what it was, I won’t prosecute
you. What was it?”
The man smiled and said, “Bicycles!”

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A German shepherd went to the telegraph office to send a telegram. “Woof,” he wrote. “Woof.
Woof.
Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk looked at the message and said, “There are only nine words here. You could add
one more ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” said the dog, “then it wouldn’t make any sense at all.”

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A lady went to an auto-parts store and asked for a seven-ten cap. All the clerks looked at each
other, and one said, “What’s a seven-ten cap?”
She said, “You know, it’s right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new
one.”
“What kind of a car is it on?” the clerk asked.
“My 2000 Toyota,” she replied.
“Well, how big is it?”
She made a circle with her hands about three-and-a-half inches in diameter.
The clerk asked, “What does it do?”
“I don’t know, but it’s always been there.”
At this point, the manager came over. He handed her a notepad and asked her if she could
draw a picture of it. The customer carefully drew a circle about three-and-a-half inches in
diameter. In the center she writes, “710.”
The manager, looking at the drawing upside down, walked to a shelf and grabbed an OIL
cap.

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इस जोक का कोई तोड नही 😜

परिक्षा पत्र का एक प्रश्न :- यह वाक्य किसने किससे कहा...?

"आपसे मिलकर आनंद हुआ"

उत्तर :- आनंद की माँ ने, आनंद के पिता से...!

 

पेपर चेक करने वाला कोमा में है।

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अगर आपकी बीवी को भूत पकड़ ले, तो आप क्या करोगे?

Sardar... मैंने क्या करना है ?... ..

गलती भूत की है, खुद भुगतेगा..

💥😝😜

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अगर आपकी बीवी को भूत पकड़ ले, तो आप क्या करोगे?

Sardar... मैंने क्या करना है ?... ..

गलती भूत की है, खुद भुगतेगा..

💥😝😜

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What is a Corporate Life?

1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines * Scanner * Printer * Xerox Machine

2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software: * Microsoft Word * Microsoft Excel * Microsoft PowerPoint

3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:- * Ctrl+C * Ctrl+V * Ctrl+S

4. I learnt to say three very important words for professional life:- * Yes sir * Ok sir. * I'll Just Do That sir

5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: - * Wake Up early * Sleep late * Continue to Work

6. I learnt to: - * Face Monday * Fight For next 5 Days * Wait For Sunday

7. I learnt to give reasons to family, friends and relatives for not making * Phone Calls * Messages * Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:- * Birthday * New Year * Festivals

9. At the end, People say:- * You Learnt... * You Earned... * You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my self... * I just Sustained... * I just Tolerated... * I just Survived... for bucks

11. I have survived:- * For convenience of my Family... * To avoid blame of Society... * To get tag of Employment...

12. When I already knew that I have got the wrong train. * I learnt to Rejoice... * To be Happy... * To Smile..

 

Dedicated to all corporate employee 😃😃😃

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शक्ति कपूर की बेटी श्रद्धा कपूर की किस्मत देखिये।।।।।।।।

Movie 1:- Aashiqui 2 में बेवड़ॉ मिला...

Movie 2:- Ek villain गुंडा (लफंगा) मिला।...

Movie 3:- Haider me Terrorist(आतंकवादी) मिला....

बाप ने कोई अच्छे कर्म किये होते तो अपने ग्रुप ॲAडमीन जैसा कोई हीरो मिलता ना ... 😂😂😜

Aaaauuuuuuuu

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Next Generation Kids will learn the Alphabets in this Way:-

A-Apple

B-Bluetooth

C-Chatting

D-Download

E-Email

F-Facebook

G-Google

H-HTML

I-Iphone

J-Java

K-Kingston

L-Laptop

M-Message

N-Nero

O-Orkut

P-Picasa

Q-Quick time

R-RAM

S-Server

T- Touch screen

U-USB

V-Vista

W-Wi-fi

X-XP

Y-Youtube

Z-Zorpia..!

Jaldi send karo nhi toh bacche fail ho gayenge.........

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सन्नी लियोनी : PK में मेरी एक्टिंग कैसी लगी ?

आमिर खान : क्या? PK में तू किधर थी?

सन्नी लियोनी : वो डांसिंग कार याद है जहा से तुमने कपड़े उठाए थे ? 😜😜😜😜😜

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रास्ते बदल देते हैं हमारे देश के नौजवान....

अगर कोई आकर कह दे

. . .

. . ..

. . . .. . .

Chauk me RTO wala hai

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आज पिने के बाद तो हद ही हो गई यारो... . . . .

होटल समझ कर अदालत मे चले गए.. . . .

सामने बैठा जज बोला.. आँर्डर....आँर्डर.... . .

हमने भी बोल दिया... . एक बटाटा वेफर और दो क्वार्टर..!! .

हा हा हा हा हा हा हा

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मच्छर ने आपको काटा ... ये उसका जुनून था  वाह वाह वाह...

मच्छर ने आपको काटा ... ये उसका जुनून था

फिर आपने वहाँ खुजाया ... ये आपका सुकून था

चाह कर भी आप उसे मार नहीं पाये ग़ौर फ़रमाइये हुज़ूर ...

चाह कर भी आप उसे मार नहीं पाये👺

क्योंकि उसकी रगों में आप ही का ख़ून था ... !!! 😅😆 

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Deadly: 🍕🍕

Teacher : Name different type of Cheese. Banta :

1. White

2. Cottage

3. Mozarella

4. Cheddar

5. Swiss blue

6. Bekhudi

7. Zindagi

Teacher : Wait a minute, what is 'Bekhudi' and 'Zindagi'?

Banta : Hosh walon ko khabar kya, 'Bekhudi' kya cheese hai. Ishq kijiye phir samjhiye, 'Zindagi' kya cheese hai.... 

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💥RaGa goes to a store to buy curtains.

RaGa to salesman: 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'

Salesman shows several patterns and finally he selects a lovely pink floral print.

Salesman asks what size curtains he needs.

RaGa promptly replies, "Seventeen inches". Seventeen inches ?

That sounds very small, what room are they for?

RaGa says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor.'

Surprised salesman replies, 'But Mr., computers do not need curtains!'

RaGa : Hellllooooooooo .... mine has Windoooooows. 

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 Creativity in Toilet: 😎

Epic line written on the wall of a company toilet..

आराम से बैठो... पगार चालू है.....

😆😆😆

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भिखारी:- दादी रोटी दीजिए खाने के लिए . .

दादी:- अभी तैयार नहीं है, बाद में आना . .

भिखारी:- 9999999999 ये मेरा मोबाइल नंबर है, तैयार होते ही मिस कॉल कर देना .......

"भिखारी rocks दादी shocks" . . पिक्चर अभी बाकी है मेरे दोस्त . .

दादी:- अरे मिस कॉल क्या करना, थोड़ी देर के बाद जब रोटी बन जाएगी तो WhatsApp पर अपलोड कर दूंगी डाउनलोड करके खा लेना !! . .

"अब दादी rocks भिखारी shocks"

!!!!!!!akelee mat Haso dusre dosto ko b hasao Market Me Naya He Wahh!!!!!!!.....

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Voice over Phone: Is your mother home?

Girl: Yes, she is.

Voice: Will you call her to the phone, please?

Girl: Okay, but I’ll have to go down the street to get her.

Voice: I thought you said she was home!

Girl: She is. This is my friend’s house. I live down the street!

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Mother: Danielle! I told you to watch when the soup boils!

Danielle: I did, Mother. It boiled at exactly 6:15!

 

Mother: Why did you take the hot dogs out of the freezer?

Daughter: I was afraid they were too cold!

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Q: Why did the skeleton drink eight glasses of milk every day?
A: Milk is good for the bones.

Q: Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: How does a skeleton call his friends?
A: On the tele-bone.
Q: What is the richest kind of air?
A: A millionaire.
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.
Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
A: He just couldn’t see himself doing it.

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Girl :- Mai tumhe pasand karti hu tum mere liye dost se zada ho lekin mere boyfriend nai ho...

lekin mai tumse kuch chupaati bhi nai hu..mai tume mere dil ki har baat btatai hu.lekin tum mere bhai bhi nai ho..

tum bhut achhe ho I like u bt mai tume payar nai krti lekin mai tumhare bina reh bhi nai sakti...

samjh rhe ho na baby tum kya ho ? ☺☺☺

Boy :- Haan mai chutiya hu..😏😏😏

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A great man said...😇

I still use Pythagorus theorem of 30📐60📐90📐

to solve most difficult problems of life.

Only difference is,

'degrees' have been replaced by 'ml' 30ml🍷60ml🍷90ml🍷

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जज: मैने आपको पहले कहीं देखा है....!!! मुजरीम: जज साहेब, मैं कोठे पे तबला बजाता हूँ !!! कोर्ट में सन्नाटा😝😝
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कस्टमर : अगर मैं आज चेंक जमा करू तो वो कब क्लियर होंगा?

क्लर्क : ३ दिन में.

कस्टमर : मेरा चेंक तो सामने वाली बैंक का है.., दोंनों बैंक आमने-सामने है फिर भी इतना समय क्यों?

क्लर्क : सर, ‘प्रोसिजर टू फोलो’ करना पड़ता हैं ना. सोंचो आप कही जा रहे हों और बाजु में ही शमशान हैं, अगर आप शमशान के बाहर ही मर गये, तो आपको पहले घर लेकर जायेंगे या वही निपटा देंगे?

कस्टमर बेहोश...😂

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 ‬ Bittu, I remembered one question from IAS exams or interview that was in circulation. How it is possible that twin brothers are born one after other with few hours difference in their birth, but the one born later has birth date before the elder brother😂 khajwa doka!!!

 

 

OK, to make it little bit easier - the birth happened on a ship.

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😝😝😝निबंध लिहा विषय - मी hardware Engineer का झालो? (२० गुण) . ..😜 ... .. . . .

 

उत्तर :- "अंगात मस्ती " (२० पैकी २० गुण)😂😂😂😂

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