A Complete Guide on How to Start a Relationship and maintain Happy Relationship with your loved one
What is a good relationship and its definition ?
A good relationship is one where intimacy develops slowly from a friendship to a commitment. He doesn’t have deep emotional scars from his childhood or a previous relationship. He is capable of trusting and being trusted.
A good relationship is one that is based on a commitment. You feel secure about the future of the relationship. There is no confusion or fear of abandonment. You feel relaxed and are not anxious about losing the relationship.
A good relationship is one where two people do not need each other. They are already individually strong — the relationship enhances their lives. There is consistent sharing of pleasurable activities. You are not constantly disappointed or irritated by your partner’s destructive habits: alcoholism, love affairs, drug abuse, or violence.
A good relationship is one where there is trust and concern about each other’s welfare and happiness. You can openly talk about your needs, and are listened to.
A good relationship is one where two individuals can resolve conflicts in a peaceful, calm manner. Feelings can be openly expressed safely. Conflicts are resolved by coming to a compatible agreement. There is no right or wrong person if the agreed decision does not work out satisfactorily.
Trust each other: Each person can count on the other in good times and in bad times.
Respect each other: They view each other as equals, with equally important needs.
Value each other’s views: Each person values the other’s opinions and ideas.
Support each other’s goals: They encourage the other person to do his or her best Share in making decisions: They can “give” and “take” when they don’t agree.
Express feelings openly: They express worry, insecurity, and other feelings without fear of ridicule or put-downs. They can disagree without fighting.
Really listen to each other: Each person takes the time to hear and understand what the other is saying.
Encourage each other’s interests: They encourage each other to have friendships and interests outside the relationship.
Understand the need for time alone: They don’t insist on constantly being together.
Accept each other’s differences: They don’t try to change each other. People can only change themselves, not another person.
WHAT are the right ways to start a relationship ?
A healthy relationship will develop slowly from a friendship toa commitment. All relationships start with two independent individuals developing into the integrated
Boundaries are an important psychological line that separates you from another person inarelationship. It defines where you feel psychologically comfortable and
what is psychologically healthy for you.
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
- Trusting no one- trusting anyone
- Tell all at once
- Talking at intimate level on first meeting
- Falling in love with a new acquaintance
- Falling in love with anyone who reaches out
- Being overwhelmed by a person, preoccupied by him
- Acting on first sexual impulse
- Being sexual for your partner, not for yourself
- Going against your personal values to please your partner
- Accepting food, drinks, gifts, touch, or sex that you don’t feel comfortable with
- Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving
- Letting others direct your life
- Letting others describe your reality
- Letting others define you
Signs of Healthy Boundaries Trusting appropriately in stages
- Revealing a little of yourself gradually
- Moving step by step into intimacy
- Putting a new acquaintance on hold until you’ve checked for compatibility
- Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you
- Staying focused on your own growth and recovery
- Weighing the consequence before acting on sexual impulse
- Being sexual when you want to be
- Maintaining your personal values despite what others want
- Saying “No” to food, drinks, gifts, touch or sex that you do not feel comfortable with
- Self respect is not giving too much in hopes that others will like you
- Trusting your own decisions
- Defining your truths as you see it
- Knowing who you are and what you want
WHAT Are the signs of an unhealthy ?
Believe it or not, being responsible for your own happiness and only your own happiness is at the core of a healthy relationship. This is completely the opposite of our experiences with “romantic love.”
These are some of the tell tail signs that your relationship is no longer based on healthy basics.
- Having an expectation that your partner will take care of you.
- Willingness to put your partners goals ahead of your own.
- Having an expectation to help your partner to change.
- Arelationship that vacillates between passion and hate.
- Feeling the need to rescue your partner.
- Caring for a partner for what he can provide to you.
- Expecting your partner to fulfill your needs.
- Being inclined to point out what is lacking in your partner.
Whenever these conditions exist, the relationship is based on BARTERING. (If you meet my needs, I’ll do what you want)
The relationship is doomed to failure.
This Short Story will help you to understand How Realtionship should be
It's your marriage that will sustain your kids not vice versa..
The old man, was on one of his rare visits to his daughter and son-in-law.
This was needed to comfort the old man from loneliness after his wife’s demise seven months ago.
After dinner that evening, he whispered to his son-in-law that if they didn’t mind, he would love to have a quick word with the couple after the children had gone to bed.
By 9pm, the couple was back in the living room to hear what the old man had to say.
He started by asking them a simple question.
“What is the most important thing in your life beti?
She replied, “Daddy, it is the kids !!! They mean everything to me”..
He then turned and asked his son-in-law the same question, he also (beaming with pride) said :
"it is the kids of course; they are the reason why I work so hard to ensure they have a better life”
"Well said my children. I don’t mean to intrude on how to run your family life, but I believe there is a fundamental error you will need to correct. He said “ I have observed how much you both love your kids and dedicate all your time for them......
I have observed that almost all your conversation borders mostly on the kids." The couple nodded in admission to the assertion.
He continued, "I am a poultry farmer, and the biggest egg supplier in my district. I make my money by the quantity of eggs sold. That said, my priority has always been providing optimal care for the chicken. Because, I know that when the chicken are healthy and productive, the eggs will automatically be bountiful.
*If I start to ignore the chicken, the eggs will also suffer*."
He pointed to his son-in-law and said, “as a husband, the most important person in your life should be your wife and vice versa.
It cannot be the kids. They are just products of the marriage.
*If you learn to take care of each other very well, your kids will grow up healthy, happy and well-adjusted, but if you ignore each other, brace yourself up for dysfunctional kids in the future*.
The two of you are the foundation of this family. If you suffer any crack, the whole house will go down. So please make time for yourself and treat each other as *PRIORITY* and the kids will be just fine.
This has been the secret of the fruitful union between your Mother and Myself for over 50 years till death took her from me.
The old man's eyes welled up with tears at this stage.
He thanked the couple for their time and excused himself to his room.
If care is not taken, this magical connection gets weakened, thereby opening up a marriage to all sorts of strange elements and even divorce.
Let kids observe that your spouse means the world to you and if you are to choose between them and your spouse, it will always be your spouse.
Give the kids the love and attention they deserve but not at the cost of neglecting each other.
It is your marriage that will sustain your kids, not vice versa. The kids are just the bonus.
How do you know you’ve found the person you will spend your life with?
Well the best thing you can do before you start relationship is spend as much as time together you can and see how that person is responding to you in certain situation such as when u two has decided to meet but somehow u are not able to go and see the response u get, if the response is just anger then for sure u r not on right track and it's possible that when u get into a relationship there will b just a quarrel and scolding because remember life is not movie and we have to deal with multiple stuff and people which include job, friends, colleague as time passes u will get more and more responsibility and at that time the person stand by u should be u r true love then only she/he will be able to understand...
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