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Dhasu adult Hindi jokes : Hindi jokes


Adult Hindi jokes list 1

Teacher;- Batao Raja Akbar Ne Kab Tak
Shaashan Kiya?
Pappu;- Madam, Page No 22 Sey 30 Tak
________________________________

Ent Pr Ent Chadta Hai
To
Deewar Ban Jati Hai
Or
Ladki Pr Ladka Chadata Hai
To
Parivaar Ban Jata Hai
..
Jeevan Me Kya Lekar Aye They
Kya
Lekar Jana Jayengey

Kaaju Jaisa Lekar Aaye They
Kaila Jaisa Lekar Jana Hai

To Mauj Karo
Or
Kapdey Utaar Kar Roj Karo

Bachpan Me Bhooto K
Jawani Me Chooto K
Or
Budhapey Mey Yamdooto K Sapne
Dimaag Ki Maa Choadkar Rakh Dete Hai

Jab Kismat Me Hi Likha Hai Gaand Ghasna
To
Kya Karega Nimbu Paani Or Rasna
_____________________________________


Adult Hindi jokes list 2


Aadmi Ko Zindagi Me Sirf 2 Cheezey
Achi Milni Chahiye

1 Khuraak(Khana Paani Roti)
2 Suraakh(Choot)
_____________________________________

Sonakshi Sinha Kisi Pr Sirf
Isliye Naraj Ho Gayi Hai Kyunki
Wo Shaksh Unhey Bikini Me Dekhna Chahta
Tha

Pr Yaha Naraj To Bikini Ko Hona Chahiye
Be Ijjati To Uski Huyi Hai
____________________________________

Teacher;- Aisi Kon C Cheej Hai Jise Dekh
To Saktey Hai Pr Choo Nahi Saktey

Pappu;- Madam Rehne Do Aap Bura Man jaogey
____________________________________

Suhaagraat Ko Pati K Andar Gustey Hi
Patni Ne Apna Blouse Utara Diya
Pati Dekhkar Bada Hairan Hua Or Biwi
Sey Pucha;-Arey Tumne Mere  Aatey Hi
 Apna Blouse Kyu Utar Diya
Patni Sharmatey Huye Boli;- Ji Aapki
Babhi Ne Kha Tha Ki Jaatey Hi Apne Pati
Ko Dhoodh Pila Dena
_____________________________________

 

Adult Hindi jokes list 3


Ratan Tata Ko Reteirment K Baad Pta Chla
Ki Nano Car Me 2 Pareshaaniya Hai

1 Pregnent Mahila Andar Nahi Aa Sakti

2 Car K Andar Kisi Mahila Ko Pregnent Nahi Kar
Saktey
_____________________________________

Machar Study Kar Rahey They

Pehla Machar;- Mai To Aagey Doctor
Banuga
Dusra Macahar;- Main To Aagey Chalkar Enggineer
Banuga

Itne Me Santa Aaya Or Mortein Jala Diya
Dono Machar Bole;- Bhenchaod Ney Sara
Carrier Kharab Kar Diya
______________________________________

Ek Hota Hai Sundar
Ek Hota Hai Ati Sundar
..
..
..
In Sabse Bhi Khin Agey

Bhenchoad Kya Maal Hai
_____________________________________

Adult Hindi jokes list 4


Jab Jab Mera Insaniyat Sey Vishwaas Uthane
Lagta Hai

Tab Tab Koi MahaPurush Whatsapp Pr
..
..
..
Porn Movie Bhej Kar Insaniyat Ki Nayi Misaal
Kayam Kar Deta Hai
______________________________________

Wo Shaksh Bhi Kitna Madarchoad Hoga
..
..
..
..
..
..
.
Jisne Choot Chaatne Ka Aavishakar Kiya Hoga
________________________________________

Paksitaan Mey
Teacher Bachey Sey;-  Tumhey Pta
Hamare Purvaj Bandar They

Bacha;- Chup Madarchaod Tere Hoge
Hamare To Aatankvaadi They

_____________________________________

Ek Angoori Bhabhi Ko Pet Dard Hua

To Wah Doctor K Paas Gayi
Doctor Ney Kha Tum Garabhvati Ho
Angoori Rote Huye Maine Kha Tha
Laado K Bhaiya Sey Pehle Hi Kha Tha
K Kam Dam Lga K Karo
To Doctor Ne Kha Bhabhi Ji Wo Kam Dam
Nhi Condom Hota Hai
Bhabhi Ji Haskar Boli;-
Ha Han Sahi Pakde Hai
_____________________________________

Ek Pal Me Usne Paraya Kar Diya


Jab Wo Boli


Muh Me Lene K Alag Paise Langeygey
______________________________________

Ladka;- Kya Tum Mujhsey Pyaar Karti Ho
Ladki;- Han Mai Tumhare Liye Kuch Bhi
Kar Sakti Hu
Ladka;- Sach
Ladki;- Han
Ladka;- Chal Fir Fatafat Ghodi Ban Ja
____________________________________

Teacher;- ABCD Sey Shuru Hone Wale Ek Vakya
Banao


Pappu;- Aapki Bhen Choad Dunga
____________________________________

Teacher;- Batao Congress Ki Sathapana Kisne Ki
Student;- Pta Nahi Sir Kisne Ki
Pr Visarjan To Rahul Gandhi Hi Karengey
_____________________________________

Santa;- Oriyo Biscuit Ka Add Pta Nhi Bacho Ko Biscuit
Khana Sikha Rha Hai Ya Sex Karna

Banta;- Wo Kaise

Santa;- Kehtey Hai Pehle Kholo Fir Chaato
Or Dip Karo
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ADULT JOKES GIRLFRIEND

Latest Ultimate Jokes

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Jokes in English for whatsapp and facebook : English jokes for Whatsapp and facebook


Jokes in English

 

(This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a bit in a Pink Panther movie).

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"

 

There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

 

A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."
(Present continuous / just for fun)

 

 

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

 

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

 

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

 

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

 

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

 

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

 

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Maybe you could teach your students the phrase "politically correct" and discuss it.

If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

 

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

 

"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".

 

When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

 

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

 

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."

 

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

 

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

 

 

 

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!

 

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)

 

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

 

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

 

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

 

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

 

Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)

 

 

 

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

 

This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
B: Still no idea.

A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.

 

Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)

 

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.

Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.
(Giants' nails.)

Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.

Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.

These need to be written.

Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.

Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.

Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.

Depending on where you live, students will enjoy this one.

Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.

Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved!

 

The First 3 Years of Marriage

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".

The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)

 

 

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Hindi Jokes जोक्स इन हिन्दी Funny jokes for Whatsapp : Hindi Jokes


Hindi Jokes - जोक्स इन हिन्दी - Funny jokes for Whatsapp

दुकानदार : कैसा सूट दिखाऊँ ?
महिला : पड़ोसन तड़प – तड़प कर दम तोड़ दे ऐसा ……

 

कुछ तो पढ़ी लिखी होगी गर्मी …. वरना इतनी डिग्रीयाँ लेकर कौन घूमता है ?

 

खून में तेरे गर्मी , गर्मी में तेरा खून …. ऊपर सूरज निचे धरती बीच में May aur june हे भगवान्

 

सोनू निगम : सुबह -सुबह मेरी नींद आज़ान से खुलती है
पाकिस्तानी : खुशनसीब हो भाई जान , हमारी तो बम धमाके से खुलती है

 

टीचर – संजू यमुना नदी कहॉं बहती है ?
संजू – जमीन पर
टीचर – नक्शे में बताओं कहॉं बहती है ?
संजू – नक्शे में कैसे बह सकती है, नक्शा गल नहीं जाएगा

 

वफादार तो वो लोग है जिन्होंने इस बार बीजेपी को वोट भी दिया और एंटी रोमियो स्क्वाड के डंडे भी चुप चाप खा रहे है

 

पत्नी:- अजी सुनते हो ? हमारी शादी करवाने वाले पंडित जी का देहांत हो गया
पति:- एक ना एक दिन तो उसे उसके कर्मों का फल मिलना ही था.

 

कॉकरोच देख कर चिल्लाते हुये दस किलोमीटर तक भागने वाले पाकिस्तान को धमका रहे होते हैं कि “अब भी वक्त है सुधर जाओ”।

 

सुबह एक महिला फल वाले से अंग्रेजी में फल मांग रही थी ये बोलकर – “Give me some destroyed husband”
एक घंटा लगा यह समझने में कि वह “नाशपति ” मांग रही थी।

 

Funny Jokes in Hindi

एक सत्संग के दौरान :
संत प्रवचन करते हुए जो इस जन्म में नर है वो अगले जन्म में भी नर ही होगा और जो इस जन्म में नारी है वो अगले जन्म में भी नारी होगी , इतने में एक बुढ़िया उठ कर जाने लगी ….
संत : कहाँ जा रही हो ऐसे उठ कर ?
बुढ़िया : जब अगले जन्म में भी रोटियाँ ही बनानी है तो सत्संग सुन कर क्या फायदा

 

English : He is so talented
hindi : बहुत हरामी चीज़ है ये

 

घर की इज्जत बेटियों के हाथ में होती है और प्रॉपर्टी के कागज़ नालायकों के हाथ में

 

हमारे भारत में लोग gifts मिलने पर thanks नहीं कहते बल्कि कहते है : ही ही ही ही इसकी क्या ज़रूरत थी

 

बहू अपने ससुर से : बाबू जी इलाइची खत्म हो गयी है, आप आते हुए ले आएंगे
ससुर : बेटा इलाइची तुम्हारी सास का नाम है और हमारे घर में बड़ों का नाम नहीं लिया जाता
बहू : जी ठीक है मैं आगे से ध्यान रखूँगी….
अगली बार …..
बहू : पिता जी माँ जी खत्म हो गई है , बज़ार से लेते आना

 

कोई बताएगा फिल्मों में इस्तेमाल होने वाले तकिए (pillow) कहाँ मिलते हैं ? जिससे लड़ते लड़ते hero heroine उसके परखच्चे उड़ा देते है ?
एक हमारे घर का तकिया है , आज मम्मी ने फेंकर मारा तो मैं दो मिन्ट के लिए कोमा में चला गया था

Funny Jokes in Hindi 

एक सत्संग के दौरान :
संत प्रवचन करते हुए जो इस जन्म में नर है वो अगले जन्म में भी नर ही होगा और जो इस जन्म में नारी है वो अगले जन्म में भी नारी होगी , इतने में एक बुढ़िया उठ कर जाने लगी ….
संत : कहाँ जा रही हो ऐसे उठ कर ?
बुढ़िया : जब अगले जन्म में भी रोटियाँ ही बनानी है तो सत्संग सुन कर क्या फायदा

 

Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes

लड़की : Activa क्यों ले रहे हो ? कोई स्टाइलिश सी bike लो ना
लड़का : वो क्या है ना नमकीन , पऊआ , सोडा लाने के लिए बाइक में डिक्की नहीं ना होती। …… तू ये सब पकड़ कर बैठेगी ?
लड़की : Activa ले लो मैं भी चला लूंगी

 

लड़का लड़की को अपनी कार में बिठा कर ले जा रहा था ,
लड़की – हम कहाँ जा रहे है ?
लड़का – लॉन्ग ड्राइव पे ,
लड़की – वाओ ,पहले क्यों नहीं बताया ?
लड़का – मुझे खुद अभी पता चला ,
लड़की – कैसे ?
लड़का – ब्रेक नहीं लग रहे

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Think twice before investment : Hindi jokes


एक बेहद *"रोमांटिक"* आदमी ने बहुत कठिन *"तपस्या"* की
भगवान प्रसन्न हुए बोले - *दो वरदान माँगलो वत्स.....*
वोह बोला संसार की सबसे "उच्चकोटि" की *"DRINK"* और सबसे अच्छी *"LADY"*...

भगवान बोले... *तथास्तु✋*
और उसे.. *"गंगाजल" और "मदर टेरेसा"* देकर , *प्रभु अंतर्ध्यान* हो गये ..

*MORAL:*
 आपका *"निवेश"* बाजार के *"जोखिम"* के आधीन है, निवेश करने से पहले कृपया *"दस्तावेजों"* को *ध्यान* से *पढ़* लें ।।
   😍😁😜😜

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Valentine Day Messages : Valentine Day


Valentine Day Messages :

 

I want you in every way. I want you to be with me every single day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

 

I just wanted to tell you, on this very special Valentine’s Day: I’m exceptionally thankful you lowered your standards enough to date me.

 

I have one wish for Valentine’s Day. I want you wrapped up in a big bow. Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

I asked God for a flower, he gave me a bouquet
I asked God for a minute, he gave me a day
I asked God for true love, he gave me that too
I asked for an angel and he gave me you.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

 

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

 

 

 Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day

 

 Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day Happy Valentine’s Day

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How to judge persons character : Hindi jokes


Can u judge who is the better person out of these 3 ?

Mr A - He had friendship with bad politicians, consults astrologers, two wives, chain smoker, drinks eight to 10 times a day.

Mr B - He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps till noon, used opium in college & drinks whiskey every evening.

Mr C - He is a decorated war hero, a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink  and never cheated on his wife and was a painter 

You would say Mr.C 

right?

But..
Mr. A was *Franklin Roosevelt!* ( 32nd President of the USA) 

Mr. B was *Winston Churchill!!*(Former British Prime Minister)

Mr C Was *ADOLF HITLER!!!* 

Strange but true..
Its risky to judge anyone by his habits !
*Character is a complex phenomenon.*

So every person in ur life is important, don't judge them, accept them.

*..The same Boiling Water that hardens the egg, Will Soften the Potato!*
*It depends upon Individual's reaction To stressful circumstances!*

Enjoy the journey called Life......😇

;

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