Five men were sitting around the table at a restaurant bragging who had the largest dick. Finally
one guy said, I ll settle this; let s all put our dicks on the table; that will decide it. At about that
time two gay guys walked in and were seated. The waiter asked them if they d like to see a menu. The
gay guys responded, OH!!! NO, NO, we ll just have the buffet.
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks
for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.
This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, Why do you keep looking
in your pocket?
The man replies, I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I ll go home.
A husband tries his luck with his wife but she says, Sorry, darling, but I have an appointment
tomorrow with my gynecologist and I want to stay fresh.
The husband rolls over and thinks about this for a while, then whispers, Do you have a dentist s
appointment tomorrow?
Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take
immediately before sex?
A. They re called Predickamints.
A recently deceased man stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven
right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be
to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. He decides that this is a small
price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he goes with this woman, pretending to be happy. As he
walks along, he sees his friend up ahead with an even uglier woman.
When he asks what s going on, the friend replies, I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the
government out of a lot of money. They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they
might as well hang out together to help pass the time. Now the two friends and their two ugly women
are walking along minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend.
This man is with an absolutely gorgeous supermodel. Stunned, they approach the man and discover
that it is indeed their friend. They ask him how come he s with this unbelievable goddess, while
they re stuck with these god-awful women.
He replies, I have no idea, but I m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best
time imaginable, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to.
There is only one thing that I can t seem to understand. Every time we finish having sex, she rolls
over and murmurs to herself, Damn income taxes!
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