“Look at that speed!” said one hawk to another as a jet-fighter plane zoomed over their
“Hmph!” snorted the other. “You would fly fast, too, if your tail was on fire!”
Two shepherds are out rounding up sheep when all of a sudden a ewe takes off and goes wild, runs
into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two shepherds run over to the fence to get her out when one
says to the other, Hey, man, this is too good an opportunity to pass up. So he unzips his fly, yanks
out his cock and fucks this ewe for about ten minutes. When he s finally finished he looks back at his
friend and says, That was fantastic. Wanna try it?
I sure do! grins his friend, as he drops his pants and sticks his head through the fence.
A couple gets married. Forty years later, they re in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs ... and he starts to cry. She says, What s the matter? He says, Forty years ago, I couldn t wait to eat it, and now it looks like it can t wait to eat ME!
A woman walked into the ladies room and saw a man standing up using the toilet. Shocked, she exclaimed, This is just for women! So is this, he replied.
Son: Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl? Mom: Shut up and flush.
A recently deceased man stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. He decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he goes with this woman, pretending to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend up ahead with an even uglier woman. When he asks what s going on, the friend replies, I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money. They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time. Now the two friends and their two ugly women are walking along minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend. This man is with an absolutely gorgeous supermodel. Stunned, they approach the man and discover that it is indeed their friend. They ask him how come he s with this unbelievable goddess, while they re stuck with these god-awful women. He replies, I have no idea, but I m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time imaginable, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can t seem to understand. Every time we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, Damn income taxes!