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adult jokes



Niche dal : nonveg adult jokes
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एक बन्दर लेडिस की ब्रा लेकर पेड़ पर चढ़ गया.

लेडी जोर से चिल्लाई : नीचे डाल, प्लीज़ नीचे डाल..

बन्दर हंसा और बोला : बेशर्म, शांति रख, शुरुवात ब्रा से ही होती है.😂😂😂


Three women : adult jokes
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A man is dating three women and wants to decide which one to marry. He decides to give them a

test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases

new makeup and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that

she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new

gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that

she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him

back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for

their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he

married the one with the biggest boobs.


You could have : adult jokes
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A husband and wife are traveling by car fromAtlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours

on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours

and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes

and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that although it’s a nice hotel, the

rooms certainly aren’t worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man

insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a

huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that

they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. “The best entertainers from

New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” explains the manager.

“No matter what facilities you have,” the man replies, “we didn’t use them!”

The manager is unmoved. Eventually, the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and

hands it to the manager. “But, sir,” the manager says, “this check is only made out for $100.”

“That’s right,” replies the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.”

“What! I didn’t sleep with your wife!” exclaims the manager.

“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”


How to persuaded from drug : adult jokes
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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday

before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second

chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug

use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the

weekend?”

“Well, Your Honor, I persuaded seventeen people to give up drugs forever.”

“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?”

“I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles and told them that the big circle is your brain

before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s admirable,” said the judge.

“And you, how did you do?” he asked the second boy.

“Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”

“156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?”

“Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles and I said, pointing to the small circle, ‘this is

your asshole before prison.’”


Id rather have a puppy instead : adult jokes
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A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having sex. The little

boy asks his father, “Daddy, what are they doing?”

The father says, “Making a puppy.”

So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy,

what are you doing?”

The father replies, “Making a baby.”

The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I’d rather have a puppy instead!”


I would want silicone : adult jokes
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The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw

material in the world, what would it be?”

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money

and I could buy a BMW convertible.”

The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy

a Porsche.”

The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicone.”

The teacher said, “Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?”

“Because my mom has two bags of the stuff, and you should see all the sports cars outside our

house!”


How was I born : adult jokes
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A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you were going to find out anyway. Your mom and

I first got together in an internet chat room. Then I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cybercafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As

soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was

too late to hit the delete button, a little Pop-up window appeared nine months later that said, ‘You got

Male.’”


I cant believe that : adult jokes
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A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband

wanted more than a written report—he wanted a video of his wife’s activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the

quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of

them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing

in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

“I just can’t believe this,” the distraught husband said.

The detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen!”

The husband replied, “I can’t believe that my wife could be so much fun!”


How to eat : adult jokes
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A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, “Stay here and be very

QUIET. I’ll be across the field.”

A little while later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son. “What’s

wrong?” the father asked. “I told you to be quiet.”

The boy answered, “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when

the bear breathed down my neck. I didn’t move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I

closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn’t cough when I swallowed the

gnat. I didn’t swear or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two squirrels

crawled up my trouser leg and one of them said, ‘Should we eat them here or take them with us?’

well, I guess I just panicked.”


How to get date : adult jokes
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There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked another man how to get a

date.

The man said, “It’s simple. I just say I’m a lawyer.”

So the loser went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said “No,” he told her that it

was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, “Oh, you’re a lawyer?”

He said, “Why, yes I am!”

So they went to his place and when they were in bed screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When

she asked what was so funny he answered, “Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for an hour, and I’m

already screwing someone!”


we were friends : adult jokes
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One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt. When the bus

arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her

foot high enough to reach the step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a

little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little

more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and

unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only

to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her

waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How

dare you touch my body that way; I don’t even know you!”

Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I

kind of figured that we were friends.”


Why do women fake : adult jokes
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Q. Why do women fake orgasms?

A. Because they think men care.


Please help : Adult jokes
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An upset man Goes to a Sex Therapist.

Man : Doc, u Gotta help me. Please!

Doc : Sure Dude. Wats ur problem?

Man : It goes like this. Every Morning I get up & give my wife Hot Sex. Then leave for office. I give a lift to my girlfriend, while going to Office, she gives me an amazing blowjob. While in office, After lunch I give My secretary a Quickie behind My table doggy style. After I finish Work, I have steamy sex with a Callgirl whom I order everyday. While Returning home from office I bang girlfrnd in my car. While at home, I Fuck my wife till she Is half Dead. After Dinner she gives a nice blow job to finish of My Day.

Doc : Well u Seem 2 have an Amazing sex life. I don't see any problem.

Man : There is a problem Doc.... Its paining when I Masturbate at Midnight.

Doc : Bhagwan se darr bhosdike.. Hawas ke pujaari, Madarchod.. Ilaaj karaane aaya hai ki neecha dikhaane. Lakwa maar jayega laude pe Lakwa!! Behen ke lund..bhaag.


Its too tight : Adult jokes
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Girl:Its 2 tight

Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly,

Gal:Push it in,

Boy:Ah..I cant,

Gal:Its painful,

Boy:Forget it. . . . .

Well buy new WEDDING RING!


He came at night : Adult jokes
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He came at night, explored my body,

got on top of me, touched me,

he bit, sucked, swalowd,

when he was satisfyed,

he left, i was hurt,

. . .

BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!


A junior needs a name : Adult jokes
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Love is a gamble,Sex is a game, 

Boyz do the thing Girls get the blame,

1 night in pleasure 9 months of pain ,

1 day in hospital and a junior needs a name


Difficult to understand : Adult jokes
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Difficult to Understand This Business Module ...

Cigarette Companies Kill Their Best Customers ...

And

Condom Companies Kill Their Future Customers

😜😜😜


11 sex tips for having extremely happy sexual life : Adult jokes
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11 sex tips for having exxxtremely happy sexual life 
.
1. Air-Condition your room and set a temperature of 20 degree to have passionate sex
.
2. Spray romantic perfume near the 4 ends of your mattress
.
3. Avoid noises and since AC is on hopefully windows are closed. both of you will enjoy the "aaaahh" sounds during sex.
.
4. Use quality condoms ...
.
5. Start slowly with gentle kisses on every muscle of the girl. Lick the neck area.
.
6. Always prefer wet sex to reduce pain. Refrigerate the lube in summers.
.
7. Have sex for at least two times
.
8. Fresh up your mouth before lip kissing
.
9. Switch on some romantic music with volume not exceeding 7-8 points
.
10. Have sex regularly for healthy living
.
And.......most important and crucial advise....
.
11. Then return home on time, Nahi to biwi gaand maar degi
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


Iski uski sabki : Adult jokes
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तोतले को इंटरव्यू में चार वर्ड बोलने को कहा गया
.
इंस्टीटयूट, एप्टिट्यूड, सब्सीट्यूट, मैग्नीट्यूट
.
.
.
.
तोतला: इनकीचूत,आपकीचूत,सबकीचूत,माकीचूत 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂market में नया है सब group में भेज दों 😜


Mene to pehle he bola tha : Adult jokes
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Ladki shop pe (Parrot) Tota kharidne gayi.

Ladki- Iski kya khasiyat hai ?

Wasim Bhai (Dukandar)-Ye bolta hai.

Ladki ne Tote se pucha- Main kaisi lagti hu ?

Tota- Bhenchod randi lagti hai.

Ladki- Ye to bahot badtamiz tota hai.

Wasim Bhai use under le gaye aur pani me duba k pucha, bol ab gali dega ?
Tota- Ha dunga.

Wasim bhai ne aur zor se dubaya aur pucha, Ab bol sale.
Tota- Nahi kabhi nahi dunga.

Wo use bahar le gaye aur lady se kaha ab puchiye gali nahi dega.

Lady- Agar mere ghar pe 1 admi aye to tum kya sochoge ?
Tota- Apka pati hai.

Lady- Agar 2 ?
Tota- Apka pati aur dever

Lady- agar 3 ?
Tota- Pati, dever aur bhai.

Lady- agar 4 ?

Tota- Pani le aao Wasim Bhai, 
Maine to pehle hi kaha tha
“Bhenchod randi hai…


Red FM joke : Adult jokes
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Ek ladki ki bra par likha tha 93.5 RED FM

Socho uski panty par kya likha hoga.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bajaate Raho.


Top and latest marathi jokes