*Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President.*
First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can't do that.
Trump: Why is that?
CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump: I don't care.
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our Stealth Drones back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi'ite govt of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can't do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1B visas.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of Staff: If you do so, we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump (sweating profusely by now): What the hell should I do as President???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!
ЁЯШВЁЯШВ
PAKISTANI DISCRETE MATHS QUESTION PAPER
========================================== i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.
ii)Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda group
iii)Ak 47 -s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall.Students may keep their daggers,Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.
=========================================== Exam Time 3 hours
Full Marks 100
All questions are compulsory.
1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder. He has 7 wifes in his house. Abdul distributed Money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.
2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marihuana, hasis, haroine and LHD s are 50, 60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount find out the grams of LHD he bought.
3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs.
4. Mohammed has a Company named Al Qayada Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepres in Calcutta . IF isd charges are rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Mohammed's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai , threatened in that particular month.
5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak 47.one AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training .One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $ ,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each , a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $. The terrorist group admitts 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed . Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.
6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 =i; Find out x.
7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %. Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80 % . FInd the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general.
8. Find out geometrically the area of Pakistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking he value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.
9. A 'GHAURI' missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured with respect to the air!)The pilot decides to steer traight to Kargil all the time during the flight. Will the airplane ever reach Kargil ?
10. What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the airplane, where k is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the airplane (with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases: k=1, k1 and k<1.
11. Briefly discuss the Unsolved problem f "Bisection of a Trinagle" with a Compass and an unmarked ruler if the triangle is named as KASHMIR.
Whatsapp 
A Complete Guide on How to Start a Relationship and maintain Happy Relationship with your loved one..
Soon Indian telecom industry will be getting bankrupt and here is the reason..
Fastest supercars comparision-Mercedes-Benz AMG SL vs Audi R8..
Worlds amazing fact and surprising truth..
Top 10 Football Player With Highest Number of Goals..
Worlds most expensive car and who is the owner..