A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle.
He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house up on that hill.”
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house.
Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets. I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off.
” The man takes another look through the scope and says, “You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes
of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece.
Tears :The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage .
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile :A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and you with his bills.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
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