A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, “You know, you should have come to
see me sooner. Unfortunately, you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening.”
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes
it pretty well. “Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember,” she says. “I am
going to treat you like a king.” She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles, the
works.
After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She
leads him to the bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is
beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the
husband is wide awake watching the clock.
He knows that he is doomed. He taps her. “Honey?” he whispers. She turns back to him and again
they proceed to make love. After fninshing, she rolls over, but he taps her for more attention. She is
getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband’s dying wishes. Finally, the wife
rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. “Honey?” he whispers.
She rolls over and yells, “Oh sure! You don’t have to get up in the morning!!!”
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes
of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece.
Tears :The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage .
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile :A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and you with his bills.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
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